I will go through the fire if you want me to

Today I felt this sudden onset of homesickness for Yap. Nothing really seemed to trigger it. I started thinking about my home there and the friends I had made. I keep thinking about how God has lead me through some pretty hard times including this one. Just because I’ve made it through the last few things doesn’t mean it’s easy from now on though. I think that God must keep allowing us to go through things to show us something. He wants us to keep growing, to keep learning. I know that there must be some more hard things ahead too. But I think I can handle it. I know with God I can. He’s so great; He’s so awesome. I want to do everything for him. I feel really confused sometimes when I’m not sure what he’s doing, or what I should do. All I can do is trust and ask him to lead my choices.

I really like the lyrics to this one song called, ‘If you want me to’. I would listen to it sometimes when things were really hard in Yap. It made me feel better.



The pathway is broken
And the signs are unclear
And I don’t know the reason why You brought me here
But just because You love me the way that You do
I’m gonna walk through the valley
If you want me to

Cause I’m not who I was
When I took my first step
And I’m clinging to the promise You’re not through with me yet
So if all of these trials bring me closer to you
Then I will walk through the fire
If you want me to

It may not be the way that I would have chosen
When you lead me through a world that’s not my home
But You never said it would be easy
You only said I’d never go alone

So when the whole world turns against me
And I’m all by myself
And I can’t hear You answer my cries for help
I’ll remember the suffering Your love put You through
And I will go through the valley If you want me to

So, I was listening to it again. It’s so true. I’m not who I was, and it’s not easy; and I wouldn’t have chosen it this way, but I’m not alone. If I choose my own way, then I really will be alone. I might have friends and family then too but it’s worth nothing if I can’t claim my loving friend Jesus who has given me everything.

I’ve been having a hard time getting back into a routine and such with God. It’s kind of hard when the rest of your life doesn’t have a routine as well. I’m working on it, and He’s always waiting. I’m looking forward to the things God will do in the next round of hard times. The hard times are what really push us. If everything is always easy things can have a tendency to become stale. They don’t always but I think it’s common. We can praise God for the easy times though because they give us time to catch our breath.

I think sometimes it’s important to not always opt for the easiest option if it’s available. It’s good to take challenging opportunities. We might not think we can do it and maybe we’re right. But by trying we find out what God can do with us. Even if we don’t succeed we can still take the experience and learn. Learning is the most important part. Other people can gain something from what we’ve learned when we share it with them. If I could go back knowing about how things would happen, I'd do it again.