I will go through the fire if you want me to

Today I felt this sudden onset of homesickness for Yap. Nothing really seemed to trigger it. I started thinking about my home there and the friends I had made. I keep thinking about how God has lead me through some pretty hard times including this one. Just because I’ve made it through the last few things doesn’t mean it’s easy from now on though. I think that God must keep allowing us to go through things to show us something. He wants us to keep growing, to keep learning. I know that there must be some more hard things ahead too. But I think I can handle it. I know with God I can. He’s so great; He’s so awesome. I want to do everything for him. I feel really confused sometimes when I’m not sure what he’s doing, or what I should do. All I can do is trust and ask him to lead my choices.

I really like the lyrics to this one song called, ‘If you want me to’. I would listen to it sometimes when things were really hard in Yap. It made me feel better.



The pathway is broken
And the signs are unclear
And I don’t know the reason why You brought me here
But just because You love me the way that You do
I’m gonna walk through the valley
If you want me to

Cause I’m not who I was
When I took my first step
And I’m clinging to the promise You’re not through with me yet
So if all of these trials bring me closer to you
Then I will walk through the fire
If you want me to

It may not be the way that I would have chosen
When you lead me through a world that’s not my home
But You never said it would be easy
You only said I’d never go alone

So when the whole world turns against me
And I’m all by myself
And I can’t hear You answer my cries for help
I’ll remember the suffering Your love put You through
And I will go through the valley If you want me to

So, I was listening to it again. It’s so true. I’m not who I was, and it’s not easy; and I wouldn’t have chosen it this way, but I’m not alone. If I choose my own way, then I really will be alone. I might have friends and family then too but it’s worth nothing if I can’t claim my loving friend Jesus who has given me everything.

I’ve been having a hard time getting back into a routine and such with God. It’s kind of hard when the rest of your life doesn’t have a routine as well. I’m working on it, and He’s always waiting. I’m looking forward to the things God will do in the next round of hard times. The hard times are what really push us. If everything is always easy things can have a tendency to become stale. They don’t always but I think it’s common. We can praise God for the easy times though because they give us time to catch our breath.

I think sometimes it’s important to not always opt for the easiest option if it’s available. It’s good to take challenging opportunities. We might not think we can do it and maybe we’re right. But by trying we find out what God can do with us. Even if we don’t succeed we can still take the experience and learn. Learning is the most important part. Other people can gain something from what we’ve learned when we share it with them. If I could go back knowing about how things would happen, I'd do it again.

Upon returning, I've started adjusting

So, I’m over jet lag, finally. I helped out at the Academy for about a week so that I could learn some names and become familiar to the students before I start in January. It was great! I talked to the science teacher and he said that I could teach some classes for him sometime. I also got recruited to be the assistant gymnastics coach. I’m super excited about that because I kind of missed being in gymnastics.

My eating habits suffered while I was at the academy though. I started drinking coffee every morning with the head dean and would randomly make a ramen noodles and eat them along with dorm store candy and snacks. I gave in a few times to non-vegan items as well but they were usually things like, a carmel apple pop, and vanilla latte powder rather than things like macaroni and cheese or alfredo sauce… I believe that all of these poor dietary choices have contributed to the adverse health I am now experiencing. Blechgh… I feel awful. I basically have this nagging cough that makes me sound like a dragon that is unable to blow fire but continually attempts at to do so. My sinuses are draining too. Anyway, I think it will be gone very soon because I have places to go.

The over all experience so far from being back has been interesting. Yap feels like this distant memory and all that happened there was just a blip in time. I felt guilty for leaving for a while but realized that it was not something that God was causing me to feel and after asking him to help me get rid of it I did gradually feel much better. I talked to a lot of people about what happened there and it was therapy in itself to talk so much about it.

Over the next month I will be jumping around, visiting family and friends until I start at WA. I’m essentially living out of my suitcase and it’s very uncomfortable because I don’t have a routine. I feel kind of pointless without that routine and am very much looking forward to starting in January. There is hardly any motivation to start anything that I need to do because I won’t be able to finish it right now. I spend a lot of time aimlessly wandering between my kitchen and my computer… that is not a good habit to start.

I will stop complaining now. :)

So, I noticed something interesting when I was visiting WA. About a half of the girls seem to be pre-occupied with sex (and or things related to it) and or putting other classmates down so they feel better about themselves. They are indeed like walking hormones and they don’t know how to handle themselves. I didn’t notice either of these things when I was in Yap. (I did a little but it’s nothing compared to this) I’m wondering if this is just an effect of the American culture or is this normal? I don’t remember it being that bad when I was in high-school, but then again, I was very naïve. A few of the girls started opening up to me and I have a good feeling about next semester. It’s like I’m the big sister of 40 girls. They all think I’m awesome because I’m older than them but not too old, haha.

When I reference people from now on I don’t think I’ll use their names anymore and I won’t be posting pictures of them when referring to them. I think it’s safer that way. There is this one girl that has been telling me a lot but I think she’s making about half of it up. I’m thinking that maybe she believes that in order for people to care about her life it needs to seem like it’s really messed up. I’m hoping she overcomes this.

Home

So, I'm home and recovering from jetlag. I plan on writing a more lengthy blog later and then I'll probably stop for a while. Just a heads up.

Finally, some peace

So, a lot has been happening. Only four days have passed. I can not get enough sleep and my head hurts most of the time. I’m feeling quite exhausted. I have been really struggling with the decision to stay or leave. My first question was, “how are we going to start teaching again?” Raian, the registrar, said that each person has to decide what they are capable of. Kristen, the first grade teacher, had pretty much made up her mind already, and Olivia was strongly toying with the idea. How could I keep going if three of my apartment mates were gone? They were my support. I felt like I wanted to go home too. I was not sure though.

What would I do if I came home? Would I get a job? Would I go back to school? Almost out of nowhere an idea popped into my head. I knew that Wisconsin Academy might still need an assistant girl’s dean. They never really were able to find one and I think they had to struggle this semester with many people subbing in. I could come and take the place and could help tutor the students in science and my experiences here would be a way to teach the students things about God and I could be there for them. I was very excited about the idea.

I changed my mind again a little later and decided almost one hundred percent that I could not leave. I did not care how I felt. I thought, “My students are more important than what I feel, they are confused about this too. What I want doesn’t matter. I can over come this. I can make it.” I felt this way for about a day.

Then something else happened. I never mentioned the deaning idea to anyone besides the other girls. I received an email from the head girl’s dean at Wisconsin Academy. She said that they needed someone to dean and would love it if I came and took the place if I really did decide to come home. Still I didn’t want to jump at the idea because I felt that I’d be acting on my emotions rather than real sound intellect.

Kristen (not to be confused with Kirsten who just passed) informed us that there were students from other colleges that were volunteering to drop everything and come out here to replace any teachers that needed to leave. What a sacrifice! I thought, “Well this could be an answer to prayer.”

Honestly the first day or two I didn’t really pray. I was just hurting. I didn’t know what to say, or how to ask, or what to ask. But that is why I truly love the verse Romans 8:26. It says, “Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groaning which cannot be uttered. Now He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He makes intercession for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.”

God did not plan for this to happen. It was not in his will. It was not his doing. This was Satan’s work, for we are in an ongoing battle here; the greatest Controversy of the ages. God does allow certain things to happen. I cannot say I know why He allowed this to happen. It has been an agonizing few days. I do know, however, that God can work through this to make something good come out of it. It is true that all things can and will work together for good to those who love God.

Yesterday we had a memorial service for Kirsten. The church was packed and overflowing. The whole island is shocked at what has happened and they are mourning with us. Within a few hours the whole island had found out about the incident and everyone I meet offers their apologies to us.

During the memorial a message was presented. It was said like this: We have a hope, for Kirsten knew Jesus. She had a relationship. When our King finally returns and calls all the faithful from the grave she will be there. She will be in that group. If we are also faithful we can know that we will see Kirsten again and will be able to rejoice with her again. She is at peace right now. She is not feeling any pain or sadness. Her soul is on pause in a sense until the last battle has been won. True she is dead, but Ecclesiastes 9:5 tells us along with other references from the Bible that ‘the living know that they shall die: but the dead know not any thing.’ We as believers have this hope.

That night I resolved that I would take a couple weeks to decide what to do. I thought that I should at least try staying here and then make a choice. So, the next morning I talked to the missions chaplain from Andrews University. I explained to him all that I had been feeling. I felt like I have been pressured by many people to stay for my students because I had made a commitment to come here. Many others have been saying that they would understand whatever I decided. I couldn’t think about it anymore. I was and still am just nearly worn out from thinking about this. He talked to me about a lot of things and advised me that he thought I should come home and not wait. It is true that I could stay and I’d make it but it would also mean that I could come back being completely exhausted mentally, spiritually and physically. It would take longer for me to recover from that.

I have a tendency to take on as many things as I possibly can especially when I stressed out. I think I need to learn where my boundaries are. I have limits. I learned that here and should be able to put it to practice. I finally gave in. I let go of my desires to please people. I agreed to come home on the next available flight. I felt this new peace. My students will miss me but they will be fine. They get used to new teachers every year. They love me and I them but me leaving will not end their world. New teachers will come. Instead of making people less likely to come to Yap, this incident has made more people consider coming to Yap. So many have offered to help fill in for teachers that need to leave.

I am one hundred percent sure that I was led here. I know God had a purpose. So many things have gone wrong here this year yet the group of people has been exceptionally close knit and devoted to the purpose here. This thing has happened nevertheless, and now I think that in many of our lives God has rearranged his plans even though this was not his original. I feel that this deaning opportunity is kind of an open door into a new way I can serve. I have learned by being here that people are the same wherever we go. Cultures and languages may differ but at the very core we are all people. Being a missionary does not mean ‘one who goes to a different country’. It means ‘one who is willing to sacrifice self to help others know the love of God.’ I know that I will always have the spirit of a missionary.

I’m coming home either this Wednesday or the next depending on when the flight can be made. Olivia and Kristen are also returning home. This has not totally sunk in yet. Sometimes I feel like I must be over it because I actually feel quite happy but then I crumble apart again for random reasons. Some times over the last few days have not been sad or stressful at all and I wonder if maybe it wouldn’t be hard to stay; but I know that once normal life settles in again it will be so hard. The days where I’m crabby and tired and stressed will be extremely difficult. It is then that I think I would begin to break. If I stay where my mind expects to see Kirsten I will be repeatedly reminded of her absence and the ordeal that she had to go through.

We loved Kirsten. She was an amazing person. She was selfless and joyful. She always had a song in her head and would be singing. She sacrificed a lot of her time for each of us. She loved to cook. Most of our supper meals were prepared by her and she loved it. I will miss lying in bed and chatting before we sleep. We would giggle and also share our dreams and hopes. We have all gained something from having known her. She was like the ‘mom’ of our group. She seemed to be the glue. I can still hear her laugh and I can still see her prancing around the apartment on her toes. I look forward to laughing with her again someday.

I’m coming home. I feel some sort of relief.

I will continue the blog. I feel like it wouldn’t be fair to leave it because I still would be serving for the rest of the year. It will instead be in a different place. I will still be a volunteer and will receive a small stipend for living expenses. There will be many stories to come I’m sure.

I know that many of you are wondering what exactly happened with Kirsten. If you do not wish to know, then stop reading now. I’ll briefly summarize it and then end.
Apparently there had been a man stalking the school for the last year. The police knew about it but could not arrest him because he never did anything. It is possible that he knew Kirsten’s jogging routine and chose a day to act. Kirsten was found near the road almost in the jungle. Her clothes had been removed and she had several stab wounds. Several of my students had been in the search party. They weren’t actually supposed to go as far as they did without supervision. They did though and the sight of her caused many of them to go into shock. Please pray for them that they are not physiologically scarred for the rest of their lives. The police arrested the man that day and with the help of the FBI were able to come to an almost sure conclusion that it was him. They came many times to ask me questions about Kirsten because I had roomed with her. Finally today it was confirmed that is was indeed this man. He has confessed. I’m not sure at this point where he will be kept.

Sad news

Thursday morning at 11:00 am my roommate was confirmed dead. Kirsten had gone for her early morning run and did not return. She was found five hours later on the side of the road. Someone had killed her. I’m not going to go into all the details because I don’t know all of them yet. Please pray for her friends and family. Her family is deeply hurt but are encouraged by the promise that they will see their daughter when Christ returns. Kirsten loved Jesus with all her heart. She was an amazing young woman. We loved her. Many of us are trying to decide what to do at this point. Will we stay here and finish our work or will we come home? I don't know what to do yet. Your prayers are appreciated as always. I don't want to abandon my students and this school but at the same time how can I stay when my family here is being broken apart? How can I start teaching again on monday? Kirsten is gone and two others may be leaving too. If I leave the high-school will most likely shut down for the year because there is no replacement science teacher. I'm feeling numb and confused but am ok. Any encouraging words or advice would be appreciated also

Nadine

I'm becoming really terrible about blogging. I think of things to say and then I just don't get around to saying it. One thing I did want to say though was about one of my students. I'll call her Nadine rather than tell you her real name. She was asking me a question about something and the subject came up about my family. I was telling her about how I didn't grow up with a Dad and such and she started telling me about her family life. It was really weird because she was smiling the whole time like it didn't really feel horrible. She said that her Mom and Dad fight a lot but stay together because of the kids. She said that her Dad drinks a lot and used to hurt her Mother when they were younger. I felt like I should say something so that she could change things in her life. All I could think of was to tell her that she doesn't have to marry someone who is like her Father. She said, 'you can't escape what your family is like and that what it is now is what it will be later for you.' I told her 'no, that's so not true, you do have control over how your life goes. You don't have to marry someone like that. You can find an amazing person that will not treat you that way.' She seemed encouraged, especially after I gave her an example from my own experience about not just accepting something but actually changing it even when it was really hard. I just pray that things in her life can improve. She does pretty poorly in school but she wants to improve and I can see her effort. She is a gem. Please pray for Nadine.

It's ok to turn down a position when it's too much

The high-school has a Students Association or ‘SA’ which is an elected group of students that organize events and are leaders in the school. The principle asked the members to chose a sponsor to oversee them and he informed me on Friday that they had chosen me. My first reaction was ‘What? No, why was I not asked if I was willing to do this?’ I asked Principal if it was ok to be SA sponsor and also High-school administrator. He said ‘There’s no problem with that’. I wanted to complain so much but I just left.

The next day I was talking with Anna about planning AY. I was super stressed out and then it all came out. I didn’t want to be the sponsor, I couldn’t do it. It was too much. It’s not fair that there are four high-school teachers but only one is delegated to do everything. So she helped me realize that I don’t have to accept the position. I can decline the nomination. I am so relieved. They will have to choose someone else as I have enough to worry about already.

I didn’t complain at first because I thought, ‘I’m here to serve, I’ll just do it.’ But if we have so much on our shoulders that we can’t do what we have in a good way, then how are we really being of service? So tonight I will tell him that I can’t do it and it will be ok.

Learning things

There have been a couple of times now when I’ve thought an idea of another teacher was a bad one upon first impression. Later on however, I found that the idea was a complete success. The first time was when Sterling, who is in charge of Pathfinders (kind of like an Adventist version of boy/girl scouts), wanted to have the students learn marching. They learn different commands and do things in formation together. I thought they wouldn’t like it and would have a hard time paying attention; perhaps because I myself wouldn’t like it very much. But to my surprise they loved it. They had learned a lot in years previous and picked it up again like that had being doing it everyday. They were marching around and having a great time trying to see if they could follow the commands of the one chosen to call them. I felt so bad for being skeptical and putting down his idea.

The second time this happened was last night. The teachers are responsible for planning AY (Adventist Youth), which is a program held for the youth on Saturday evenings. Anna came up with the idea of having the whole group go around and alternate as they read Psalms 119 (the longest chapter in the bible) and then compete in teams as they answered questions about the chapter. I thought it would be a complete flop because that book is so long and I thought it would be hard to follow and tedious to understand. It did take a while to read through it but the game part was so much fun. The questions were like (how many times was the word ‘teachings’ in the chapter, and ‘which verse talks about God’s law being ‘as sweet as honey’’. Everyone was frantically looking for answers and shouting them out. The teams were staff and students and the students won! I again felt bad for thinking and saying that it might be boring.

What I think is not always right. I knew that before but it’s been good to see that pointed out. I am so happy that I could see this. It is important to learn and realize that we don’t always have the whole perspective and can’t understand things exactly how they are all the time. I thought I knew what the students would think but I was wrong; very wrong, and I’m really glad they liked it because I ended up having a good time too.

Getting to know more students

This week I was really worried about Lesila. I don’t really know much about her. She’s very quiet and shy. She reminds me a little of myself when I was a freshman like her. I wish I could somehow get to know her but I have a hard time talking to my students when it’s not about school. I get all shy and can’t think of anything to say or ask. When they are also shy it feels kind of awkward.

I saw Lesila in the freshman classroom all alone on Thursday during lunch. She was just staring at the wall. Later when I walked by again she had her head down. I got really worried about her all of a sudden and was thinking there must be something very wrong. I didn’t talk to her though because I was afraid she wouldn’t tell me anything. I think I need to get to know her better before expecting her to confide in me. The next day I saw that she was smiling and was with some friends and I was very relieved. She even played some volleyball.

I think I need to pay attention to more of my students who are kind of just in the background. I wonder if there are any who are craving a relationship with someone like I did when I was in their shoes. I grabbed on to those relationships with teachers and cherished them. They meant the world to me and now I’m looking back on them more often in order to remember what they did so I can do the same.

Student's questions and water activites

I’m so excited because Elaine is trying so hard to bring up her grade in Physical Science and last week she was able to come out of failing. I really hope she can keep it up and get her grade at least in the C range by the time the semester ends. She really likes to put prayer requests in the box. She’s a very fun girl with a lot of energy. It’s really cool to pray for specific things for my students. I think it helps me to help them better. They are burdened about family members, classmates, friends and also with their grades and future. Some of them want real direction in their lives. Most of the prayer requests don’t come in with names on them so I just pray for the request and know that God know who wrote it. The students have so many questions about life and God. I only hope I can answer in the most truthful and honest way.

On Friday I was telling the freshmen to be careful because on Halloween there are a lot of dangerous things going on like séances and spiritualism. I wanted to make sure that they knew that these things were not fun and games but are real and deal with the devil. When we willingly participate in such things God can not come and protect us. This brought up many other topics that I tried to answer for them. There were many things that I had to say, ‘I don’t know to’, but I tried my best to help them understand the questions they had.

Today we have the day off because it’s Yap Independence Day. Yesterday we went snorkeling and there were some young girls swimming. Aila lent them one of them her mask for a while. They had never seen the reef even though they live there. They had never used a mask. It was so cool because she had such a good time. She even saw a manta ray after we had gone in. Only one wanted to try it. I offered my mask to the others but they said no. They did let me take their picture though.

Four of us went scuba diving today and it was amazing. It was the first time I have gone diving in the ocean. The reef is so cool. I got a sunburn on my face… I saw a sun star which is a star fish with a bazillion arms rather than five. There were about fifteen sharks swimming around farther into the water too. I saw so many awesome fish and also lots of crazy coral and anemones. The coral was just this huge wall. We went down to sixty feet but it just kept going down down down! We were told it went down two hundred feet. What an amazing world it is down there. What an amazing God. I think wonder and amazement is an important part of worship.

Not a baby chicken falls without His concern

So, about two weeks ago I found a baby chicken that was lost from it’s mother. I was determined to raise it. I named it Alice. She was so cute and fuzzy; probably only a few days hatched. I had her about a week and she would follow me around and would not stop peeping! It was cute but I was honestly getting really fed up with her. I think it must have been comparable to having an infant. It was terrible! Never was there a moment when she would just be quite. Always she had to ‘peep peep peep’. Sometimes they were happy peeps like when she was eating but anytime she could not see that I was right next to her they would be obnoxious loud irritating peep! Peep! Peeps! Aaaaaaahhhh!!

So, I put her outside in the chicken pen which I though she could not get out of. She had grown enough that I was sure she couldn’t squeeze out but an hour later I noticed that she stopped peeping. (I could stand the peeping when she was outside because it was far away sounding) I looked outside and two roosters were next to the pen. I thought ‘great, she’s getting to see some of her own species’. Half and hour later she still wasn’t peeping so I went don’t to see what was going on. She was gone. I spent 2 hours looking for her in the jungle… No luck. I’m not sure if she got out though. I think I would have been able to find her by her scared peeps but I couldn’t hear any. Miss Mary thinks that a rat ate her because that had happened before. My poor Alice is gone. She was getting such beautiful wing feathers. She was precious. What a terrible mother I made for her. I miss her but think maybe it was a blessing in disguise because now I can actually think and get things done.

Last night I went outside for some fresh air and heard more some peeping which was weird because it was dark. I looked around and found a poor baby chicken stuck in some tar (there are a bunch of old leaky barrels of tar around the campus, it’s terrible…). I don’t think it was Alice but I’m pretty sure it was one of her sisters. I spent the next 2 hours cleaning her off and getting her warm and trying to get some liquids into her. She was improving but then she unpredictably died in my hand. I think she was just too exhausted. Poor thing. It’s sad. I still want a pet chicken.

"No bird falls from the sky without His concern." Matthew 10:29

Canoe Festival

We didn’t have school on Friday because it was the 1st annual canoe festival. We went first thing that morning and saw some canoe races and also a traditional bamboo stick dance done by a village. All those who were in the dance had the traditional dress on. There were many booths where you could buy things and see how local things were made. Unfortunately a lot of the demonstrations were held on Saturday and we did not go in on that day. There were booths that had woven things made out of coconut leaves and also a booth that demonstrated how the outer island skirts were made out of either thread or banana tree fibers.

The Senior’s had a booth the sell refreshments to race money for the class. I think they made a thousand dollars which is amazing! The people here are very proud of their culture. It’s interesting because during one part of the festival the governor was on the stage and was explaining that Yap is one of the only places left in the world that still practices many of it’s native customs. The dances consisted of a lot of chanting and spinning and hitting bamboo sticks together. It was so fascinating to see. I wish I could post a video of a dance but it would take up a lot of money and time to load it.

DNA

We are studying DNA right now in biology. It’s so amazing because the genetic code is so precise. It’s a language in itself. What else could have made that language but God Himself. Those of you that are familiar with the binary code know that computers function by a language made up of just 1’s and 0’s put together in such a fashion:

11010010101110101001

The Genetic code is fashioned in a similar way but instead of two characters there are four and it goes something like this:

TAACGACGTGTATCATAG

When we realize that the code of 0’s and 1’s is more than nonsensical gibberish it’s obvious that someone must have written it. The same goes when looking at the genetic code. I believe that God was it’s author. I’m frustrated because I recently read a verse in Isaiah that could be applied here but I can’t seem to locate it again. Alas…

After 2nd day of resumed classes

My prayer box is a great success. The students seem to like it. I've gotten a good number of requests over that last few days. Most of them are anonymous. I'm really excited about it. Some of the requests are about grades and family and friends. Some are about personal things and sad things and worrysome things. I am looking forward to praying for them this year.


Yesterday Miss Mary found a lost baby chicken and showed it to me. I named it Alice. I have no idea if it's a girl but it's so adorable. I'm guessing its about 4 or 5 days old.


I bought a ukulele! It’s red and black and brown. I’m so excited. I’ve learned a handful of keys and can play some simple songs. I’ve attempted plucking but I don’t want to jump too far ahead without knowing the basics. I am so exited!! Olivia bought one too. I want to get really good and make sure I use it rather than let it sit in a corner and collect dust. It’s super fun to play too. Anyway, I thought I’d let everyone know about that.

Reason to praise, getting ready to start again

Kristen the first grade teacher had lost the only key for her classroom. On one day before our break started she left her class room for just a moment to get something from the office. Her students were somewhere on the playground. When she came back both doors were closed and locked. What was she going to do? Class was about to start and she couldn’t just let them have recess all day. She told the principal’s wife, Mary about it. Mary came and tried all the keys she had; none worked. She said a small prayer asking for God’s help. Kristen needed to start class. Mary inserted the next key and barely turned it to find that the door opened wide. They both were so happy and Mary gave Kristen the key to use until she found her key.

Kristen tried the key later to see if it indeed worked before she locked up her classroom. The key would not turn the lock anymore. The key was the wrong one yet it had worked during that critical time when it was needed the most. Since then Kristen has found her key and all is well.

I want to stress that the key was not meant for that door. It was not some sort of master key or even a spare key. It was a random key for who knows what lock. Yet it worked that one time and Mary barely turned it when it opened. Normally you need to turn the key all the way around in order for it to unlock. The door opened and the key would not work again later. This may sound very simple and many may pass it off as some coincidence. I can’t make you believe if you don’t want to; but it happened nonetheless. Little miracles still happen and big ones can too. Praise God for his presence here.

On Monday school will start again. I want to start a prayer box. The students will be able to put their requests in it and I will look at them every morning and pray for the students. I hope this new thing will be a success and the students will put requests in. I also want to try another new idea. During worship before class I want to have them pray in groups of two or three rather than just having me pray before class. I want to start having the students participate in worship if they are open to it. I won’t force them to do anything but will try to encourage it.

I really want to focus on becoming closer to God as that will help me to reach the students better. Just because I’m teaching them science does not mean I can’t have an influence on them to help them find God. I’m not really sure how to do that but I want to so much.

Pictures from the break

Random thoughts to make up for lack of blogging

So, ever since this three week break started, the epitome of lazy has somehow overcome me. It’s been hard to find motivation to do anything. I’m so ready for school to start again. I miss the routine so much. I’m looking forward to it. I’m going to start lesson planning again on Monday.

I’ve started noticing how beautiful it really is here. Is that weird? I’ve been here for more than two months and now it hits me. I realized it before but now it’s different… better.

I’m sorry I’ve neglected the blog for a while but there hasn’t been too much to say. Nothing profound has happened. Right before the break I assigned a project in biology for the sophomores to make cell models. One group made a model out of jello.

I started making bookmarks for my students. I’ve got 12 finished out of 66. I hope I have them done in time for Christmas break. We’ll see how that goes. We went snorkeling again and I got some more great pictures.

I found a gecko egg and hatched it and then let it go. Olivia named it Soren. He was really cute. Today a lizard egg fell from the hut ceiling right between Kristen and I. It broke open. I picked at it with a stick and the lizard was still alive. It was so cool to see though the others thought it was pretty disgusting.

I saw a flyer for a free spay and neuter clinic at the agriculture department last week. I brought our cat in to get spayed and watched for a while. Apparently this was the first time the island had something like this. The vet used to have a clinic in Guam for 17 years and now travels around the world doing things like this.

We’ve been cleaning up some overgrown parts of campus and it’s looking really nice now. I found some passion fruit and it smells just like those Fruitopia bottles. It’s so tart though.

I woke up one day to find that a giant spider decided to molt his skin right on top of my toothpaste bottle… gross.

We’re really missing fall right now. We decorated our living room wall with a fall panorama of sorts. It makes it so homey.

My thoughts are pretty broken but I’m just trying to sum up what’s happened in the last two weeks. I felt a sore throat coming on two days ago but it’s gone now. Just for future reference, gargling scouring hot salt water works.

It’s so true that God will do everything He can to lead a person to him but even so, some will still chose themselves over Him. It seems to come down to whether a person prefers to honor self or realize that they are imperfect and need help. It’s sad but no one can say God didn’t give them the chance. It baffles me, but it still happens. This thought probably sounds totally unrelated but that’s all I’ll say. We have salvation when we have faith and believe. Christ healed the centurion’s daughter the moment he believed. That’s all it takes. God does not say, “If you see proof first that I can save you, then I’ll save you” He says, “who ever believes will have ever lasting life.” It’s that simple, even still many will decide that they can’t believe for whatever reason whether it be fear or selfishness or not enough evidence or what. God can’t force them because he truly loves them. I don’t know very much about other religions but I know that Christianity is the only one that says all you have to do is believe. No list of do’s and don’ts and such. A religion like that may seem like it could work but it’s impossible to follow. Christianity is just a call to admit that we need help and then to accept the help that is offered. Trying to make sure you’ve thought of every possibility of anything else with our faulty reasoning skills will only wind you up with a tangle mess of confusion and an almost guaranteed something that you’ve left out.

Anyway, I realized in the last two weeks that I need to drink more water. Seriously though, or I’m going to affect my health. I have to force myself to get at least a certain amount each day. I usually end up forgetting to drink but I have to change this.

Today we hiked the Tamilyog trail and I made vegetarian sushi with quinoa instead of rice. One more week of break, then back to school.

Not feeling so well

I'm not feeling so well, I'd appreciate any prayers

Thank you

Starting a three week vacation?

So, it's been a while since I've written. We've just finished day 3 of our three week forced vacation. We now have at least three weeks to just do what ever we feel like. It's nice but at the same time it's not because we didn't come here for a vacation.


The first day we were all really bored because we had nothing to do but it's kind of nice now. I can catch up on my reading and I can work on the garden that I want to have and I can just do nothing for once while being here. In the last week or so I've really settled into life here. I don't feel homesick quite so much anymore and am quite happy. It started at the beginning of last week.


Last week I gave the Juniors their test and they were all trying so hard and I knew they wanted to do well. They have really come a long way. Taking away P.E. worked like a charm. They ask questions now and try really hard and it's turned into genuine caring about what we're learning about. While I was watching them take their test I couldn't help but smile. They did improve on that test but they still need some work. I just like to see them but their best into it though.


This three weeks is going to be interesting. I already miss the students. Part of me is like, 'What now? Here we are with all this free time when we're supposed to be role models for the students. But there are none now. I really want to get super organized and ahead on my lesson planning. I an finally breathe now.


Now that the other teachers are here there are more fun times. The new guys are always up to something. I love the other girls I live with so much. It's going to be so hard to leave in June.


The last week we've had nothing but rain. Lots of tropical depressions are going by. But nothing serious has hit us so far. The rain makes it less hot which is nice, but it's starting to get a little old.


Sometimes I wonder about what I am doing here when I could be doing the very same thing in the states. But many of these students don't have good role models and their teachers mean the world to them. We are here to show them that they can do what they set their minds to, that trying their best is important. It's important to tell them about God but sometimes it is easier to show them God by the way we interact with them. It is my hope and prayer that I am doing that.


I look forward to when school starts again. It could be the 19th of October but could be another week after that.

Swine Flu

So, today we were notified that school will be closed for three weeks because of the swine flu. The flu had not reached the island when we got here on August 6. I'll post more on this later...

9/24/09 Afternoon

The Juniors improved on their test scores so yesterday I allowed them to have P.E. again. Wayne had had to sit out before because of chest pain so this time I didn’t think very much about it. He said that it happens sometimes where his heart hurts and he just has to quit for a while. He was holding his chest and was hunched over like before.

I forgot about it and then maybe 10 minutes later I began to walk back to my classroom. I passed the bathroom building and saw that Raphael was standing at a distance from the bathroom but looking in that direction calling someone’s name. I saw a pair of feet sticking out from behind the bathroom. II walked over and to see who it was. It was Wayne. He was on his stomach. I called him, “Wayne… Wayne...” No answer. “Wayne!” I trying shaking him. Nothing. He was unconscious. I could see that he was breathing. I yelled for Mr. Taylor the Math teacher who was teaching P.E. He ran over as fast as he could. I ran to call for the ambulance. When I returned to Wayne the Juniors were there. They helped bring him across the field to the office where he was laid on a table.

Mr. Taylor said he clocked his pulse at 140. He was very hot as well. By the time the ambulance got there his pulse was down to 106. They took him away and the Principal went with them. Principal told us that he woke up when they got to the hospital and was doing ok. He was still holding his chest though. Wayne said he never went to the hospital for the pain before because it usually just went away.
When we called his parents the step dad yelled at our secretary saying, ‘He doesn’t have breathing problems!!’ like he thought we were lying to him. I found cigarettes in his bag that he left. The other students had told me about that before, that they see him smoking and drinking after school. He was unconscious for about 45 minutes. I hope they can find out what it wrong with his heart so that he can prevent it.
I don't have a picture of Wayne because he came late. Please keep Wayne in your prayers.

9/24/09 Morning/Lunch

Yesterday in the morning Laura came up to me and asked me about when Jesus was hanging on the cross talking to the thief. She wanted to know if Jesus went to heaven with the thief that day. I told her to ask me about it at lunch because I wanted to get my bible and show her some verses to answer that question.

The verse she was referring to is Luke 23:43. It says, “And Jesus said unto him, ‘Verily I say unto thee, To day shalt thou be with me in paradise.” When the bible was being translated from Greek it originally did not have punctuation in the Greek form. It is very possible that this verse was mis-punctuated.

I showed Laura the verse she was referring to and also another verse found in John 20:17. Mary had just run up to Jesus after seeing him for the first time on the Sunday of his resurrection. She tried hugging him. “Jesus saith unto her, ‘Touch me not; for I am not yet ascended to my Father: but go to my brethren, and say unto them, I ascend unto my Father, and you Father; and to my God, and your God.

So, if Jesus meant that he would see the thief in heaven on Friday the day of His crucifixion he would have been lying because on Sunday he had not yet risen to his father. Where was he? He was dead. He was dead because he received the penalty of our sins. And when we die it is like we are sleeping. I explained this to Laura.

If we look at John 11:11-14 we can see that Jesus talks of death as sleeping.

“These things He said, and after that He said to them, “Our friend Lazarus sleeps, but I go that I may wake him up.” Then His disciples said, “Lord, if he sleeps he will get well.” However, Jesus spoke of his death, but they thought that He was speaking about taking rest in sleep. Then Jesus said to them plainly, “Lazarus is dead.”

I then showed Laura Ecclesiastes 9:12. It reads, “For the living know that they will die; But the dead know nothing.” Hannah then told me that she was worried about talking to her parents about these verses. She is afraid they will be mad.

I will pray for her and I hope that you also will pray for her and her family.

Phone call

I talked to my mom this morning. We didn’t talk about anything in particular and even though it was nice to hear her voice it was not the voice that changed my outlook. Instead it was the act of talking to her. The main reason is because I used to do that. It brought our two worlds so close in such a way so that I don’t feel like I’m on a different planet anymore. A lot of the negative feelings I have been having about being here just disappeared. Today it started feeling like home here a little bit. I think this is so because I used to feel at home in places where I could talk to people on the phone that were familiar to me.

I’ve also noticed that listening to music that I used to is helping me to feel more at home. At first I was only comfortable listening to religious songs because they were encouraging. However, I am beginning to listen to more other music again and it makes this place just like any place.

I look around and these people I’m getting to know will only be here. When I leave I won’t be able to be with them anymore. This may seem like an extremely obvious observation but when you’re homesick all you want is to go where you have the more familiar again and it’s extremely easy to neglect the fact that if you did that the people in the new place would not be there.

This morning I was wondering what to read. I couldn’t figure out anything in particular so I turned once again to the chapter that I always find encouraging; Romans 8. I had not read it yet in my study bible so what I found there was something I had not read before. I finished the chapter and then began reading the commentaries about it. The commentary on verse 11 was first and that’s as far as I got because it just stood out.

It says, ‘”But if the Spirit of Him that raised up Jesus from the dead dwell in you, He that raised up Christ from the dead shall also quicken your mortal bodies by His Spirit that dwelleth in you.” O how precious are these words to every bereaved soul! Christ is our Guide and Comforter, who comforts us in all our tribulations. When He gives us a bitter draught to drink, He also holds a cup of blessings to our lips. He fills the heart with submission, and with joy and peace in believing, and enables us to say submissively, Not my will, but Thy will, Oh Lord, be done.’

This stood out because I feel this very way. Even though it’s really uncomfortable to think about not coming back to familiarity for 9.5 more months, I don’t care. I’d still rather be here where I’m a little uncomfortable because I know it’s where God wants me right now. I trust that I will be better off while being here than if I was not. I trust that God has plans to somehow reach others because of my experiences. Being comfortable is not worth it if it’s only for selfish reasons.

I love the students, and I’m glad I’m here.

Learning culture and feeling slightly like myself again

I want you to try something. Have a friend ask you some yes or no questions. When the answer is yes, don’t say yes but instead keep a blank expression and then only raise both eyebrows at the same time. Don’t keep them up for any particular amount of time but let them fall as soon as they’ve reached the top. This is what the students do. This means yes. I’m starting to get the courage to do it back to them. It feels so odd though! Haha.

Another thing is motioning someone to come to you. Keep your palm down and sweep your hand from top to bottom and then inward towards yourself. If you were to do the same thing with both hands but only alternating them it would feel like you were doing the doggie paddle. This feels very odd too because my minds eye wants to think that is saying goodbye or telling them to go. If I have my palm up it is taboo and is like motioning to dogs.

I know I’ve mentioned these briefly before but I’m still trying to get the hang of them.

Other than the occasional customs that I’m getting used to I’m beginning to feel more myself here. Parts of my personality are coming out that I haven’t seen since I was at Andrews. It’s a good feeling to recognize those familiar thoughts. I am still me underneath all these changes and challenges.

My tomato plants are coming along very nicely. I’m going to try transplanting them next Sunday in a way so that they are hanging upside down. Just google hanging tomato plants. It supposedly keeps bugs and such out of harms way. I’ll post pictures of them when they’re full grown. The rest of my plants have died and I had to replant them so they are just sprouting again. Hopefully I’ll take better care of them this time.

Most everyone does laundry on Sundays and the deck is always a dream of clean smells and drifting fabric. I really like how it looks.

I finished preparing for chemistry in order to teach electron configurations. I understand it now, but it’s pretty heavy stuff and can be very confusing. It’s almost like a new language. I really hope the students get it.

Updates, thoughts and such

So, I haven’t been keeping the blog informed with things that have been resolved.

1. Aila, the third grade teacher, will not need to leave for a month staring in September. The date was able to be moved to next Thursday. She will not need to leave for a month but will be able to come back the same Sunday. Thank you God.

2. The principal was able to get toner sent for the copier machine faster than we all thought. So, we all managed to go without copies for 2.5 weeks and all is well. Now I can copy all the tests I want :)

3. Three of our new teachers arrived. Ana from Croatia arrived two weeks ago and is teaching high-school bible. The other two, Sterling and Alex arrived last night from California and started teaching 4th and 6th grade today.

4. I had to calculate mid 1st quarter grades and I only have about 8 that are failing. That’s a lot less than I thought I had. Yes!

5. Since I took P.E. away from the Juniors they mostly aced the retake test I gave them and are respecting me a whole lot more. They even hush each other when I’m talking. It’s such a relief. Granted they are still a trying bunch but they are attempting to improve I think, even if it is because they want P.E. back.

6. I have managed to stay healthy throughout the bouts of colds and swine flu going around the school and island. By the way, the picture of the frog is a picture of Ebert, one of our few neighors

Thank you for everyone’s prayers. Pray for the new teachers as they get started and also pray for me this coming week as I will be teaching: Electron configurations, Photosynthesis and Glycolosis. All are very heavy concepts to grasp and I’m not even sure I completely remember them at this moment. I need to review!

I happened upon a song on my Ipod and love the lyrics. It’s short but I find it very meaningful:

If to heavens heights I fly
You are still beside me;
Or in deaths dark shadows lie,
You will stay close by me.
If I flee on mornings wings
Far across the grey sea,
Even there your hand will lead.
Your right hand will guide me.

Tempered for the Test

I gave a talk for chapel on Monday about glass. I heard a sermon on it recently and it was very profound to me. Normal glass breaks quite easily without much pressure applied to it. When it breaks it shatters into a bunch of large dangerous shards which could cause severe injury and deep lacerations.

Another type of glass is called ‘tempered’ glass which as been put under repeated heatings and coolings. The stress that is applied to the glass in this way causes the network of molecules to interlock in a more complicated way. The glass is therefore made stronger by the process. When a large pressure is applied, the tempered glass does not break. When an even larger pressure is applied it might break and when an even larger pressure is applied it does indeed break but does so in a different way than before. No more large shards, but instead small pieces that have a tendency to hold together so that the majority of the object only cracks.

How can this be applied to our lives? Well, we are like glass. When we come across trials in our lives we may tend to fall apart like the normal glass. If we trust in God that it’s ok to go through them and that they might be allowed for a purpose, then we can grow. Without that growth we tend to fall apart rather quickly. People may try to help us pick up the pieces and quite often we injure them in the process with all our sharp edges. They were only trying to make things better but instead were brought into the mess and were perhaps wounded by us.

When we accept that trials are ok and allow God to use them to help us to grow, we become much stronger and can withstand more. We become tempered just like the glass. Trials that would have broken us before do nothing to us now. We do not fall apart.

1 Corinthians 10:13 tells us, “No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.”

This verse is very encouraging because we can know that when tempted we will always have a way out and have the choice to take that way. Many people confuse this verse to be saying that we will never be given trials that we will not be able to bear. This is not what it is saying.

2 Corinthians 4:8 tells us, “We are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed. Always carrying about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body.”

So the first verse talking about temptations is not implying that God won’t let you be stressed beyond what you can bear, or challenged beyond your ability, or pushed beyond your threshold. In reality, God allows more than you can bear all the time; perhaps on purpose. It’s only when you can’t bear the load that the strength of Christ kicks in… you realize that He is everything you need and more.

When some tremendous trial comes along that is more difficult than all the others we may in fact fall apart. But if we have been tempered we will have the strength of Christ. Instead of breaking into dangerous shards we only crack into many smaller, less dangerous pieces. Now when others attempt to help us we do not cause them harm.

Also, after all the damage has been done and we have all those cracks we are perhaps much better at letting the Holy Spirit shine through us in a way that may be seen by others. Trials are ok. Through depending on Christ they can make us stronger, well rounded, Christ-like individuals, capable of showing others the love of God.

“Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day.” 2 Corinthians 4:16

Welcome party fun

On Friday we had the freshmen welcoming party and it started at lunch time. There were water balloons and food and fun and everything. I had finished eating and I watched as one boy came and positioned a huge water balloon over Mr. Taylor, the math teacher. Another boy came from the other direction with a knife and popped it right over his head as he was eating. It was so hilarious and right when I had finished exclaiming how funny it was, I felt a cool splashing all around me. The same exact prank had been pulled yet again but instead it was over my head. I was sopping wet! Not a minute after I was exclaiming how ridiculous it all was a cold slippery finger came and wiped against my face. It was Dukay and he was sharing his ice-cream in a way that most would not appreciate. If you remember, Dukay is the same boy who was suspended for having betel nut.


I had mostly forgotten about it but was thinking of ways that I could join in this fun. Dukay was getting more ice cream to either enjoy or impart onto others and I came behind him and poured my water bottle down the back of his shirt. His shoulders hunched up in response as the cool water must have shocked his skin. I bolted out of there and did not look back. I had paid him back his deed.

Later that day we were having a closing sort of prayer and as soon as we opened our eyes I proceeded to pour my water bottle onto Rodney who had gotten me with the first water balloon. The next thought I remember is one of apprehension and alarm. A very cold liquid began dripping through my hair. At first I was sure it was water as what else could it be? But as my own shoulders began to hunch up, my head bent down to avoid getting anything in my eyes. I could see it dripping past my face and onto the ground. This liquid was not water. What was this stuff? It smelled of something rotten and had a sticky viscosity to it. Then I noticed that it was not only a liquid but solid pieces made up it’s composition as well. The liquid was whitish creamish brown and the pieces were yellow. Were those peaches? Or maybe passion fruit? Why was I seeing rice? To my disgust, there were also pieces of some type of flesh falling out of my hair. Hotdogs… I wanted to throw up as it smelled of that very thing. ‘sick, sick sick!’ was all I could even think, I couldn’t even utter a word. I walked to the spicket so nothing would get anywhere else than it already had. Who had done it? None other than the one… Dukay… He had made this concoction with me in mind. I was its purpose. I got right under the water and drenched myself. If only I could get rid of that terrible smell… I wanted to shower forever…

I recovered after several dousings and managed to change my disgust back into a playful demise. I didn’t manage to get him back in another way but had a lot of fun drenching lots of other students as they managed to do so me. It was so much fun! I was definitely on their most wanted list, and I was very bad at getting away. I had my picture taken with Dukay after all the fun was spent. There are no hard feelings. Ah, bonding with students. I think it was a good day.

It all makes sense now...

So, I think that if I decide to teach when I come back to the states I will be spoiled because I know that the students there care a lot more about grades than they do here. I have figured out why that is so. This school is the only one on the island that will not pass students to the next grade when they have an F. I was astonished when I heard this. The majority of the students come from the other schools on the island and are used to being passed on whether they do well or not. Who cares about grades if that is the way things are done? What point is school then but to babysit children and call it education? That is why this is the best school on the island.


So anyway, I came up with a solution for my seniors and juniors who are not studying for their tests: No more P.E. or free time for three weeks or even longer depending on if they get their grades up. During P.E. we will have class. They were disappointed when I told them but they are paying a lot more attention now which is very good to see.


These kids aren't used to having any real goals to work towards because they get the prize no matter what. They could go to the public school and graduate without lifting a pencil. Also, one of the SM's what telling me that she heard that the college on the island did a test with the students there and the average IQ is that of a 3rd grader!!??! What?! How is this possible? They are smart, no doubt, but they have never learned how to discipline their minds in the way that a formal education does. This knowledge has encouraged me because I realize the reason for how they are performing the way they do and has helped me think of ways to help them.


About the comments to work with them more individually; I offer all the time and nobody takes me up on the offer for outside help. They simply don't care. Many do care more than the others and will ask some questions but no one has come for extended help. The ones that come are the ones that are already doing well.


So, I don't think I need to be that terribly discouraged by their results. They are just showing me how very much they need a good teacher. They are in serious need of some study skills and someone to show them that in life you have to strive to do your best or you won't make it, and also that they are actually capable of doing very well.


About the teacher from germany; Thank God things have worked out. She still needs to leave the island but does not have to do so until November and when she leaves she can take the next flight right back in instead of waiting a month! We are all so happy!

Frustration!!!! arrrrghghgh....

I'm so frustrated with this learning gap!!! I can't figure out what they aren't understanding and whether or not they don't get things right because they aren't understanding or not studying. I don't think they know how to study. They don't understand simple algebra when they should have learned that in 7th or 8th grade. How am I supposed to know where to take them back to in order to break things down for them? Some are even having trouble following directions. I graded two tests today and in Chemistry, 9 failed and I only got two 77%'s. In Physics 7 failed, and two passed with an 83 and a 61. They seem to understand things on review day and don't have any questions at all. I have to prod for questions and re explain everything from the chapter and then I get these results. Am I failing them or do they simply not care? Do they know how to learn? I don't know how to help them. I think I'll just start the chapter over and do more examples but I feel like what I'm saying must be going in one ear and out the other...

Unchanging Solace

Sabbath school was really good yesterday. We studied the first book of Hebrews which was a book written to the Jews explaining that Jesus was more that just a good man. Jesus was equal with God and also higher than the angels. I particularly liked Hebrews 1:10-12. It says


“You, Lord, in the beginning laid the foundation of the earth,
And the heavens are the work of you hands.
They will perish, but you remain;
And they will all grow old like a garment;
Like a cloak You will fold them up,
And they will be changed.
But You are the same,
And Your years will not fail.”


So it’s saying that God created the earth and He will fold it up and put it away when it gets old. God is in complete control of everything, even the whole earth even though it seems so un-moveable. The earth will wear out like a piece of clothing wears out. And then it goes on to say that God will never change. He will never fail. His promises will always stand true for us. My bible cross references James 1:17 and says,


“Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, which whom there is no variation or shadow of turning.”


Again is reiterates that God and his promises will never vary. This was especially meaningful to me because throughout all the changes in life it can get tiring and difficult to keep going. Things never stay the same, whether they are good or bad. But God never changes and he is always there for us to go to and find rest. He is always the same perfect God and He always is ready to give us the same unending love.

Sent to the Principal

I finally got up the guts to send some boys to the office. They talk and snicker in class every day. I dread teaching Chemistry class every day because of those boys. It's the last class before lunch so by that time I'm tired anyway.

So, I spoke to them in class and then they still would not pay attention so I finally kept them after class and explained to them again why they should not be talking in class. I even told them that I did not enjoy teaching that class because of them. I also said that I wanted to like it because I could see that the Junior class in itself was fun. I took them to the office and the principal spoke with them. Apparently, they had been sent to the office many times in the previous year so they were given a warning and the next time it will be a straight five day suspension. Principal almost suspended 3 days starting now, but decided not to. I was surprised that he was so harsh but I hope things are different now.

It's such a good feeling to have finally followed through with it. It wasn't that bad and I don't think they hold it against me. The seem to want to be good underneath it all. I think perhaps I should make a new seating chart so it's easier for them to not talk. Their names are Josh, Drexler, and Raphael in the order pictured from top to bottom.

Betel Nut...

Yesterday I found Dukay with some betel nut. I had to write him up for it and now he's suspended for about 5 days. I felt so sad doing it but its a #1 offense. If it happens again he'll be expelled. I was reading about betel nut and it's worse for you than cigarettes. It causes so many diseases and health problems yet many people are under the impression that it isn't that bad at all. It causes a 'high' sort of effect when chewed which is addicting. Many people have been chewing since they were young children as it has become part of the culture. What a shame...

When I found it he was offering me some coconut candy during the lunch break. He was holding it in his hand and obviously trying to hide it. Rodney was with him and when I called Dukay on it Rodney had the nerve to ask me to try it. 'just once, try it'. What a smart alleck. He must think I'm stupid or something. I told Dukay that I never want to see him with it again and then later that day I brought him the the principal. Dukay said he had fuond it in a desk. Why didn't he tell me that when I called him on it? I think it's a very fishy explaination. I have a hard time believing him.

Please keep my students in your prayers. Especially Dukay and both Rodney and Riley.

Following the invisible Leader

I was looking for something to read for staff worship this morning and was looking under the index in the back for the word 'teacher'. I found a passage in Deuteronomy 1:6-18. The really good part was the commentary by Ellen White in the bottom margin of my bible for this text. It says:


'The Lord God of heaven is our Leader. He is a leader whom we can safely follow; for He never makes a mistake. Let us honor God and His Son Jesus Christ, through whom He communicates with the world. It was Christ who gave to Moses the instruction that He gave to the children of Israel. It was Christ who delivered the Israelites from Egyptian bondage. Moses and Aaron were the visible leaders of the people. To Moses instruction was given by their invisible Leader, to be repeated to them. Had Israel obeyed the directions given them by Moses, not one of those who started on the journey from Egypt would in the wilderness have fallen a prey to disease or death. They were under a safe Guide. Christ had pledged Himself to lead them safely to the promised land if they would follow His guidance. This vast multitude, numbering more than a million people, was under His direct rule. They were His family. In every one of them He was interested.'


I have 65 under my guidance. Surely the Invisible leader can help me with that many if He helped Moses with more than a million. Look to the Invisible leader to be your guide so that you may be the visible leader for those in your path.


This was helpful to me.

Fearless leader?

I’m feeling kind of vulnerable. By coming here I have put myself out there to be of service in any way. This means I could be expected to do things that I’m not comfortable with or am not used to doing. I am not used to being expected to lead out in so many things. This week I am supposed to lead the faculty worship. I was also expected to get the chapel service ready for the high-school students. Chapel meets once a week and is a sort of worship program for the kids. Since I am now the high-school administrator/vice principal there are a lot of things that are expected of me.

When there is a problem, the students will come to me first. I also will be expected to be sort of a spokes person to the students whenever the principal can not or does not wish to be there. Today, that is what I did for chapel and I am feeling a little vulnerable because by having that responsibility I have to put myself out there as a leader for the students. I also have to make sure that they listen to me, and I’m not very good at dispensing discipline and tend to look the other way when there is something to be disciplined.

Any faults that I have are open. I can’t hide in any way. I feel that who I am or who I am portrayed to be when I speak out or help them is like a book open for the students and other teachers and principal to see and judge. How I do things may be looked at as the standard and that makes me uncomfortable. It’s very hard. Even though I am doing my best and don’t need to make any excuses for disagreeing to do what is needed, I still feel that what I say is still somehow not what it should be. This may be very confusing… the bottom line is, I’m not used to being look up to like this. I’m being looked up to as someone who should know things.

Jesus lived his life in this way I suppose. He must have felt extremely vulnerable because we all know that people were judging Him all the time. It’s not the judging that is particularly hard though, but the verdict that people come up with. This is because it might not necessarily be completely true and there is no way of knowing if they are correct or not. People keep there judgments to themselves most of the time and if they tell others, you’re probably the last to find out. By loving us Jesus made himself vulnerable. We are free to love him back or not.

I’m no fearless leader anymore but rather a fearful one today. I don’t like coming up with things on the spot, but prefer to be prepared. But in this position I’m expected to be able to get up think of things in the moment. This experience is going to change me, I can tell. I need to get past the point where I’m worried what the students think of me and my decisions. I need to just think of the best thing and follow through with them. They will not dislike me in the long run if I am fair because after all I am a leader and they are not.

Please pray that I can have the knowledge to be fair this year, and that I can overcome the fear of being disliked by students. Discipline is good and many of them need it.

Music class and Catastrophe

So, I found my flip flops that I don’t wear to have molded over the top of them. If that isn’t an appalling sight, I don’t know what is. Also, the metal mesh part that covers the speakers on my computer has begun to rust!!! I hope it lasts the whole time I’m here.

Yesterday I had my first music class. I’m supposed to teach music to the Freshmen and Sophomores. It only meets once a week on Fridays so I’m not sure how much we will learn but then again I don’t know that terribly much so maybe that’s ok. It’s a group of 40 and first and tried to get them to figure out which part they are as in a bass, tenor, alto or soprano. Most of them didn’t know what 4 part harmony was , so I explained it and had them squeak out a chord together. It was marvelous!! I’m so excited. We have a lot of work but I want to get them to a point where it sounds like a real choir. I need some songs that we can learn though and I can’t find any familiar ones online for free. They are all really hard. If all else fails I’ll use a hymnal because most hymns give all four parts. So all I have is a keyboard but it will work just fine. I have no idea how to conduct but they won’t know that. Next week I’m going to introduce some notes and try to have them learn the treble cleft. Then will be the Bass cleft and then time signatures. If any one out there has anything I could use to help in teaching music, by all means please tell me!

So as we were finishing class, Norma (sophomore) was playing for us while we sang some praise songs. She happened to be leaning on her chair and it slipped out from behind her. After landing she just sat there motionless. Blood began dripping from her face. I quickly pulled the chair out from behind her, picked her up and began leading her to the office. I yelled for someone to get some toilet paper. I could tell she was weak in the knees with pain.

What had happened was the edge of the table had scraped her face as she fell to the floor. In the office we were able to see that her gums were bleeding and some cartilage in her nose was also affected. Thankfully nothing was broken. I made all the students gathering around leave. She was going to be fine but all the people around would not help. We got her cleaned up and then let her recover. Riley was a great help. He stepped up and made sure she had everything she needed. By the end of the day she was smiling again but I’m sure very sore.