Love your enemies

I was reading the blog that Sterling and Alex (4th and 6th grade teachers in Yap) are keeping and they gave an account about what's been happening with the man who killed Kirsten. I'll post it here so you can read it.

The last thing we want to talk about is our visits to the prison. Over these last months, Alex and I have been talking a lot about what it means to really take Jesus up on his offers of a new life and how to walk in his footsteps. Along with the other SMs, we began thinking about the ways that we handled ourselves after Kirsten’s death. Alex and I felt that when Jesus asked forgiveness for the men who crucified him, he also gave us a challenge to forgive those who have hurt us. Not really knowing how to go about these sorts of things, we borrowed a car and drove to the police station. There we kind of sheepishly asked to talk to whoever was in charge of the jail. We were led to a back room and then spoke with the boss’s secretary. We asked if it was possible for us to meet with Justin, the man arrested after Kirsten’s death. We were informed that not even family was allowed to see him. But I guess we were politely persistent enough that they eventually took down our phone number and said they’d call us. Two weeks passed and we didn’t hear anything from the jail. Finally we manned up and called them. They again took our number and said they’d call us back. However, this time they called the next day and told us we could come! I’ll let Alex finish the story.

On the following Sunday, Sterling and I headed over to the police station to finally visit Justin. After we arrived, they had us sit down in one of the roughshod visiting booths as they went to get Justin. Not surprisingly, Justin didn’t want to see us. We left him some cookies, soap, and a towel, which they said would be delivered to him. This was surprising, since earlier we were flatly denied both seeing him and leaving him anything. God really opened doors for us. On Thursday of that same week, we left him a pithy letter and some chocolate bread.

Yesterday (Sunday), we again went to the prison. This time, Justin agreed to meet us. We sat in the booth and watched as a young man, chained hand-and-foot, shuffled up to the other side of the glass. So started our first visit with Justin. I’ll let Sterling take the reins.

Justin looked young. His hair was trimmed as well as a his beard. I don’t know why I remember this but his shirt was inside out. His fingernails were long. When I saw him, I was struck with the feeling that there was no life left in his eyes. He talked quietly and rarely looked us in the eyes. We spoke through a glass window and it was pretty hard to hear him. I didn’t know what to say so I think I asked him twice how he was feeling. We talked for a bit about his childhood and then we talked about life at the prison. Over and over, he kept saying how sorry he was. We told him we forgave him and told him about a God who promises to forgive us. We prayed twice with him and asked if we could bring him a Bible. He told us that he had read our earlier letter and had said to himself that at least now he had two friends. I don’t really know what else to say. We’ll be trying to meet with him as regularly as possible. Alex wants say some stuff to end our post now.

Alex here. In the recent weeks after Kirsten was murdered, we heard many and mixed reports about Justin and some awful things happening to him. [Edit: Some content removed.] Even in the face of tragedy, even if we are affected by terrible acts, even when the most despicable sins fall at our feet, we need to keep our heads. This is only easy to say, of course. However, what I hear disgusts me. Don’t fight fire with fire. Two wrongs don’t make a right. Pick your cliché. God calls us to be above the rest. As believers and supposed followers of Him, we need to ask ourselves:


In the face of this blatant, inhumane mistreatment, who is the real criminal?

Sterling and I saw a man who may be feeling more pain and emotion than anything I could imagine. What saddened me during our visit was not the fact that a man murdered Kirsten, but the fact that a man is seen and treated as less than human.

I am overjoyed that they have been visiting this man. I think it's just so cool! I'm not really sure what else to say about it. I think it's so true that as Christians we need to treat our enemies with love.

Luke 6:27-36

27"But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, 28bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. 29If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also. If someone takes your cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic. 30Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. 31Do to others as you would have them do to you.

32"If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' love those who love them. 33And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' do that. 34And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' lend to 'sinners,' expecting to be repaid in full. 35But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. 36Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.

Matthew 5:43-48

43 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor[a] and hate your enemy.’ 44 But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you,[b] 45 that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. 46 For if you love those who love you, what reward have you? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? 47 And if you greet your brethren[c] only, what do you do more than others? Do not even the tax collectors[d] do so? 48 Therefore you shall be perfect, just as your Father in heaven is perfect.

Please keep him in your prayers as well as Kirsten's friends and family.

Pretending with the Bestest of the Best.

On the 23rd it was my turn to speak for chapel. When I began I said a prayer and then told the students to listen very carefully. I was going to ask them some questions and expect raised hands and answers. First I read Colossians 1:12-17:

12 Give joyful thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of his people in the kingdom of light. 13 For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, 14 in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.

15 The Son is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. 16 For in him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things have been created through him and for him. 17 He is before all things, and in him all things hold together.

Who created all things? Jesus created everything. He is the creator. He created even you!

Next I read Psalms 139:13-16

Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;
you formed me in my mother's womb.
I thank you, High God—you're breathtaking!
Body and soul, I am marvelously made! I worship in adoration—what a creation!
You know me inside and out,
you know every bone in my body;
You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,
how I was sculpted from nothing into something.
Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;
all the stages of my life were spread out before you,
The plans of my life all prepared
before I'd even lived one day.

How are we made? Marvelously!!

How much does Jesus know about you? Everything!!

The students where doing excellent.

I asked them to think about the other things that Jesus has made. Think about the snowflakes… they are so tiny but they are so exact and perfect in the angles of each molecule. They are exquisite. Think about flowers and trees in the summer; how all the little veins on the leaves go exactly where they should so the tree doesn’t get thirsty. Even, think about things outside of nature, like when you’re playing basketball. Think of all the elastic properties in the ball that allow it to bounce and the physics behind what lets the ball come back down from the basket. Jesus made all of this! How intricate and beautiful these things are especially when we take time to look closely. These things are incredible!!

Next I had the students do something and you can too. Raise your right hand. Turn it over so the palm is facing up towards your face. Now, bring it up close enough so you can examine the tips of your fingers. Can someone please tell me what you see on the tips of your fingers? As I had anticipated, some students took this as a chance to get silly and started getting distracted, but I quieted them down and the answer was, ‘finger prints’, little ridges. These ridges help you grip things and feel things and are completely unique to you. Your fingers are just as intricate as the flowers and snowflakes and even elastic. Your entire body is just like this, inside and out, the visible pars and the invisible parts.

So, when I say the invisible parts, what do you think I’m talking about? Your very person; the part that thinks, and has wishes and thoughts, and likes and dislikes. Jesus made that too! And you are just as intricate and delicate and complex as the things we see in nature and all around us. Jesus made you! He knows you! He knows every crawlspace and corridor of you heart. He knows you more than you can even think about, more than you yourself could even try to know.

Next, I want you to think for a moment about the friends that you have that you consider to be your best friends… What qualifies them to be your best friends? Can someone give me some reasons? They go out of their way for you, they are always there for you. They know you better than just an ordinary friend. They accept you just as you are.

So, from these reasons, what can we now qualify Jesus as? Our bestest of best friends!!! What incredible news!


Do you talk to your best friends? Of course you do. That’s what friends do. So, if Jesus is our bestest of the best of all of all our friends, then what a privilege it is to talk to Him! And we can talk to Him about everything and anything and at any time!

This brings me to Philippians 4:6:

‘Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.’

We shouldn’t hold anything back with Jesus. He knows everything anyway, so we don’t have anything to lose. He loves us no matter what, as our best friend. Nothing will surprise Him.

Now, I think I might know what some of you are thinking, because I’ve felt it too. It can be hard to talk to Jesus, especially if it means saying more than, ‘Dear Lord, thank you for today, thank you for my food, please be with my family and friends, help me with my homework, please forgive my sins, Amen.’ Now, don’t get me wrong, this is not inherently a bad prayer, but our prayers should also go much deeper.

When you’re in a new place and you’re meeting people for the first time, what does it feel like? What are some examples? Awkward, uncomfortable, unfamiliar… Knowing that Jesus knows us super well might not make it easy at first to talk to Him. It might feel awkward, or uncomfortable, and unfamiliar. But I want you to try something the next time you talk to Jesus. Try it tonight, or tomorrow morning. Even if you feel like a complete idiot for talking to what might feel like empty space in your brain or the walls in your room. Sometimes praying out loud helps, personally I prefer this way... I want you to pretend. Pretend that you are already friends, pretend that you have known each other for years. Pretend that you go way back. Ignore the feelings of awkwardness. Even if it doesn’t feel right, just keep on pretending.

This is essentially what you do when you’re meeting new people as well. You pretend that you know each other already and then eventually, after a while you’re not pretending anymore. Now, you do know them, and now you’re being real with them. This also can happen with Jesus. Jesus already knows you. But if you keep talking to him, even if it feels artificial, it will start to become real because YOU will start to get to know HIM. You might think that is a little different because you’re the only one talking but, Jesus can talk to us. He talks to us through other people sometimes and by guiding our thoughts sometimes and also when we read His Bible. Those are a few of the many ways He talks to us. And the more you talk to Him the more comfortable you will be and eventually you will KNOW He is your friend instead of just UNDERSTANDING it. And He will mean all the world to you!

I’m telling you this because I’ve done this, and Jesus is now my everything!!

He’s my reason for getting up in the morning and living each day. He is the reason I keep going when things are extremely hard. He is the reason I have hope when I’m weighed down with sadness and even depression. Jesus is who gives my heart wings when I’m happy! His love for me is what fuels the very essence of my being…

I want each and every one of you to have that very same thing.

And so, as I close, I want to encourage you to talk to Jesus. Just try it. Please, just try it for a couple days, a couple of weeks. It can be about anything, like, ‘Jesus, so I was at the store today and I saw this guy with this crazy hair style!’ or, 'Jesus, I had a hard time sleeping last night and I really don’t want to go to school today.’ Or, ‘Lord, how does the guy with the snowplow get to work in the morning?’ or, ‘Why is it called a building when it’s already built?’ or more seriously, ‘How can I get along with so and so?’ or, ‘What should I do with my life?’

I encourage you to ask Him questions, you’d be surprised at how He answers sometimes. Often times I’ve asked Him a question and I’ve even forgotten about asking it but then sometime later I believe He’s used things and experiences in my life that’s helped me find the answer. I’m still waiting for some answers, and I’m content I’ll find them at the right time.

If you do this, you can and will get to know Jesus, even if at first you’re only pretending to know Him.

Trip to the Emergency Room

This weekend I was on duty by myself. The head dean was gone. Last night I was woken up at 2:30. One student had a stabbing pain in her abdomen and she couldn't even get out of bed without help. I took her to the emergency room. The pain began subsiding after we had been there a while. They diagnosed her with 'abdominal pain' after some tests were taken and sent her home with an 'abdominal cocktail' for pain if it came back. The name reminded me of the diner lingo you hear in movies. I wonder if hospitals ever do that. Like, instead of 'I need a blue-plate special with a french man's delight!' or 'I need a bowwow minus the breath and a pair of drawers to go for a walk!' the doctor might say to the tech, 'I got a hemo on the bucket, get me a mountain dew and an abdominal cockail! It kind of made me laugh to think about it. :)

I hope it's not something more serious and that it doesn't happen again. I was pretty worried because the pain was described as a 10, then a 6, then a 3 and then a 1. A friend of hers came with me and it was kind of fun near the end of it all to chat with them a little bit. One of them is hoping to be a nurse and the other is thinking about physical therapy. I remember trying to make those sorts of decisions. It's really interesting to hear about what they're thinking about. I'm thankful that it's a Sunday and I could sleep in after that. Let's keep the seniors in our prayers as they're making important decisions about starting their adult lives.

Lost and Found

Over all it's been a bit of a challenge for me for some reason to adjust to deaning. But over this homeleave that we just had where everyone was gone for a couple of days I had a chance to do some reflecting and praying and talking and reading. I feel as if I've been renewed in a way. I had somehow lost my missionary spirit. I don't know why, but I've found it again and I'm overjoyed. I don't really have much to say about it except that I know I'm completely depending on God again and I am assured that He's helping me and with Him I can now be a better service of others. Thank goodness, and thank God.

So, I feel like complaining

In this position there is not something that is actively expected that I do. Yes, I'm supposed to check on dorm workers and help the girls with homework and and talk with them but the rest of the time I'm only 'here' just in case. Is it normal to prefer being overworked? I like having something specific that I'm supposed to do like, 'teach these classes everyday' rather than, 'sit at a desk in case you're needed'. This job is too slow. I don't think I like deaning, but I'll still try to do my best until I move on. The interesting thing though is that the head dean is busy as a bee; but maybe that's just her personality. I like being busy. I like having a task to do.

I'm taking this time to get in shape and exercise more, and I'm doing more reading, but I miss having deadlines. There was a suggestion that I do something in the community with my extra time. Maybe I should talk to some people about what I can do there. I do think that is a good idea and I think I will look into it but the thing is though, if I'm gone doing things for the community every time I'm not on duty, which is quite often, I'm not available for the girls. It's a 'catch 22'.


If I'm busy, I don't have as much time to think. So, maybe I'm only wanting to distract myself from something. Maybe I'm supposed to feel bored and lonely so I can connect with God again, something that I've had trouble with over the last several months. I'm not doubting that God is in my life and knows what He's doing, I'm just having a hard time connecting.

So, now that I've just whined a bunch about how much I don't really like it here at the moment (I say moment, because it could change any minute as my mind does that quite often. My emotions are quite fickle.) I think perhaps I should think about what I'm thankful for. I will shoot for 10.

1. I'm thankful for what Kirsten said the last night I prayed with her: the ability to move. I've taken up exercising regularly again and it makes me feel like I have wings.

2. I'm thankful that I don't have to worry about cooking food and that the cook at WA does in fact cook very healthfully. I love vegetables.

3. I'm thankful for the fact that I've come so far in my insecurities. Being in a high-school girls dorm reminds me of how I used to think and feel about myself sometimes and I'm so happy God has helped me grow out of many things.

4. I'm thankful that some of the girls feel that they can be open with me so that I can do my best to help them.

5. I'm thankful for certain friends who are willing and wanting to stay in contact with me while I'm gone. It means the world to me to feel cared about when I'm gone.

6. I'm thankful to have the assurance that God is still with me, holding me, even when I'm the one having trouble connecting, not Him.

7. I'm thankful for knee high socks and soft scarves to wrap around my face and neck.

8. I'm thankful for a family who is willing to listen to me talk about my convictions concerning God and that we are in fact free to talk about them.

9. I'm thankful for the ability to feel at all.

10. I'm thankful for the strength to embrace change whether I want it to happen or not.

11. I'm thankful for color, and for smiles, and for tears, and for flowers, and ribbons, and cats, and for paper, and for fabric, and for the way snow looks in the trees, and for crisp air, and for honey, and for the ability to be ridiculous, and for water, and for toothpaste, and for flannel sheets, and for sunshine, and scrambled tofu, and avocados, and the ukulele, and for singing, and sunsets, and for school, and for books, and for prayer.




Thank you for your prayers.

God can use you to make a difference

During church the sermon was about how we can make a difference to someone without even knowing it. The elder up front shared a story about when he visited a woman in a nursing home several times as a chaplain. She grew sicker and sicker but she would always request that he sing 'amazing grace' to her. That was her song. The short story is that she passed away and her sisters were talking to this elder and thanking him for everything he had done. The one sister recognized the elder even before meeting him. When he asked how, she said that her sister had told them everything about him, even that he wore silver tipped boots that he was wearing that day as well. They said that he had brought their sister back to Jesus, when they and no one also could. She didn't want anything to do with Him, but this elder made a difference and he couldn't believe it.

I know this happened for me in Yap. The biggest example of this occurred to me when I was leaving. Jeanna was so sad I was leaving, she was even a little angry. But then later she told me how much I had meant to her in those few months. See, she was an eighth grader and I didn't even teach her. I had just met her only a week or so ago. But she somehow thought the world of me. I didn't understand why. I think I passed her and a group of girls most days in the morning and I usually tried to be friendly but to her it meant everything. When I left she gave me a stuffed tiger, a devotional book and a note; it read:

Dear Ms. Miller
This is all I have to give you. I hope you like it. And remember what I said? That you made me a more self confident girl? Well your smile did. At first I don't really smile a lot, but when everytime I see you, you always have that smile on your face and I said, 'I want to be like her, like Ms. Miller.' For the last couple of months you somehow changed a part of me by giving me the warmest smile everyday. Thank you. I'll always remember you. And I understand the part that you're leaving. May God bless you always and your family. Hope you'll remember me too. I Love You!! Jeanna P.S. Put a smile on your face, cause you'll never know that you'll change someone's life or brighten up someone's day. Like Ms. Miller did to me...

I had no idea that I was doing this for her. I didn't even know I smiled everyday to her. I know I had many a tired and crabby mornings but apparently it did not show for her. God can use us in ways we never can imagine. We just have to be open to Him and be willing. I think one of the things I can do in the states now at WA is to just be a role model. The girls are going to be watching me because I've made it through what they're going through and I've succeeded. They will see what I've become and perhaps base their own lives on it. I'm different than the other faculty because I'm very close to age in them. I'm still a kid too in many ways and I can reach them in a way that no one can. Even if I'm not aware of it, it can happen. I can be a tool for God to use in their lives.

And even if I feel that I'm not doing much at times, I know that the fact that I can give the head dean a break is a huge thing for her too. She's been worked to death this last semester, and she does not complain. She needed a break and I can give it to her. I thank God that I can help and be of service at least in that way.

I don't really talk about Yap much anymore, but sometimes people still bring it up and it's different. It surprises me because I'm kind of like 'well, I talked about it enough, so why is it being drug up again?' I was comfortable talking about it before pretty well when it was fresh but now I really don't like it. It's interesting how I'm still dealing with it. It's like my brain sealed it all up when I got back and is now slowly releasing it in safe doses so it can be dealt with in a more healthy way than all at once. At each time I deal with another dose, I learn something new. Something is added to my character and I grow yet again in a little way.

If anything, be thankful that you are able to grow in hard times. Don't let them suffocate you but rather realize that you can take those experiences and let God change you through them to be better, to be stronger, to be an example of God's love and power.