Love, Kirsten book / one year ago...Yap

I just finished reading this book: (click picture for more info)

I wasn't really all that anxious to read it really. You know... i was there. I wasn't sure I wanted to relive it. I knew most of the story. But, there were some things that I did not know that were good to know.

The book brought back images so familiar yet so distant. I can see the places in my mind and can even smell the smells and I long to relive them. Even the hot sticky air has a place in my heart.

I look back on last year with memories that seem like a distant... fairytale. Did it all really happen? Was I actually living on a little island with wonderful people and students and wildlife and... everything there is to the island of Yap? Exactly one year ago I was teaching roughly 60 students. I miss them. I miss Yap. God is so good. I am so thankful for my experiences there. I'm so blessed that God chose to use me in such a place.

I look forward to meeting Kirsten again. Her life touched so many and yet her death is still touching people. I'm not really sure what else to say about this but I thought I should say something. After all it's been just about a year since she died. It's a lot to ponder.

I've learned a lot... this year has proven to be of much growth.

Love your enemies

I was reading the blog that Sterling and Alex (4th and 6th grade teachers in Yap) are keeping and they gave an account about what's been happening with the man who killed Kirsten. I'll post it here so you can read it.

The last thing we want to talk about is our visits to the prison. Over these last months, Alex and I have been talking a lot about what it means to really take Jesus up on his offers of a new life and how to walk in his footsteps. Along with the other SMs, we began thinking about the ways that we handled ourselves after Kirsten’s death. Alex and I felt that when Jesus asked forgiveness for the men who crucified him, he also gave us a challenge to forgive those who have hurt us. Not really knowing how to go about these sorts of things, we borrowed a car and drove to the police station. There we kind of sheepishly asked to talk to whoever was in charge of the jail. We were led to a back room and then spoke with the boss’s secretary. We asked if it was possible for us to meet with Justin, the man arrested after Kirsten’s death. We were informed that not even family was allowed to see him. But I guess we were politely persistent enough that they eventually took down our phone number and said they’d call us. Two weeks passed and we didn’t hear anything from the jail. Finally we manned up and called them. They again took our number and said they’d call us back. However, this time they called the next day and told us we could come! I’ll let Alex finish the story.

On the following Sunday, Sterling and I headed over to the police station to finally visit Justin. After we arrived, they had us sit down in one of the roughshod visiting booths as they went to get Justin. Not surprisingly, Justin didn’t want to see us. We left him some cookies, soap, and a towel, which they said would be delivered to him. This was surprising, since earlier we were flatly denied both seeing him and leaving him anything. God really opened doors for us. On Thursday of that same week, we left him a pithy letter and some chocolate bread.

Yesterday (Sunday), we again went to the prison. This time, Justin agreed to meet us. We sat in the booth and watched as a young man, chained hand-and-foot, shuffled up to the other side of the glass. So started our first visit with Justin. I’ll let Sterling take the reins.

Justin looked young. His hair was trimmed as well as a his beard. I don’t know why I remember this but his shirt was inside out. His fingernails were long. When I saw him, I was struck with the feeling that there was no life left in his eyes. He talked quietly and rarely looked us in the eyes. We spoke through a glass window and it was pretty hard to hear him. I didn’t know what to say so I think I asked him twice how he was feeling. We talked for a bit about his childhood and then we talked about life at the prison. Over and over, he kept saying how sorry he was. We told him we forgave him and told him about a God who promises to forgive us. We prayed twice with him and asked if we could bring him a Bible. He told us that he had read our earlier letter and had said to himself that at least now he had two friends. I don’t really know what else to say. We’ll be trying to meet with him as regularly as possible. Alex wants say some stuff to end our post now.

Alex here. In the recent weeks after Kirsten was murdered, we heard many and mixed reports about Justin and some awful things happening to him. [Edit: Some content removed.] Even in the face of tragedy, even if we are affected by terrible acts, even when the most despicable sins fall at our feet, we need to keep our heads. This is only easy to say, of course. However, what I hear disgusts me. Don’t fight fire with fire. Two wrongs don’t make a right. Pick your cliché. God calls us to be above the rest. As believers and supposed followers of Him, we need to ask ourselves:


In the face of this blatant, inhumane mistreatment, who is the real criminal?

Sterling and I saw a man who may be feeling more pain and emotion than anything I could imagine. What saddened me during our visit was not the fact that a man murdered Kirsten, but the fact that a man is seen and treated as less than human.

I am overjoyed that they have been visiting this man. I think it's just so cool! I'm not really sure what else to say about it. I think it's so true that as Christians we need to treat our enemies with love.

Luke 6:27-36

27"But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, 28bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. 29If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also. If someone takes your cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic. 30Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. 31Do to others as you would have them do to you.

32"If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' love those who love them. 33And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' do that. 34And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' lend to 'sinners,' expecting to be repaid in full. 35But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. 36Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.

Matthew 5:43-48

43 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor[a] and hate your enemy.’ 44 But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you,[b] 45 that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. 46 For if you love those who love you, what reward have you? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? 47 And if you greet your brethren[c] only, what do you do more than others? Do not even the tax collectors[d] do so? 48 Therefore you shall be perfect, just as your Father in heaven is perfect.

Please keep him in your prayers as well as Kirsten's friends and family.

Canoe Festival

We didn’t have school on Friday because it was the 1st annual canoe festival. We went first thing that morning and saw some canoe races and also a traditional bamboo stick dance done by a village. All those who were in the dance had the traditional dress on. There were many booths where you could buy things and see how local things were made. Unfortunately a lot of the demonstrations were held on Saturday and we did not go in on that day. There were booths that had woven things made out of coconut leaves and also a booth that demonstrated how the outer island skirts were made out of either thread or banana tree fibers.

The Senior’s had a booth the sell refreshments to race money for the class. I think they made a thousand dollars which is amazing! The people here are very proud of their culture. It’s interesting because during one part of the festival the governor was on the stage and was explaining that Yap is one of the only places left in the world that still practices many of it’s native customs. The dances consisted of a lot of chanting and spinning and hitting bamboo sticks together. It was so fascinating to see. I wish I could post a video of a dance but it would take up a lot of money and time to load it.

Preparing to embark!

So, only about 46 days until I'm off! I still have so much to do to prepare and gather together. I need to buy luggage next. My to do list and to get list is kind of scaring me but it will get done slowly but surely.

Go to Dentist
Go to Doctor for last check up

Get year supply of contacts
Good flashlight

Figure out how to use Skype

Copy important documents

Find some really good roach killer

Water purifyer tablets

Bugspray

Batteries

Dryer sheets

A decent pair of sunglasses

Sunscreen!! Equator rays? yikes! my last burn was very unpleasant.

Print pictures of family and such

Some comfy shoes that are inbetween flipflops and sneakers

Ziplock bags

2 Giant Suitcases

First aid kit with all the essentials

Maybe some gifts for the people I'll meet

Finish finding skirts

Make a book of recipes to bring

Familiar spices for cooking

Sewing kit

A better alarm clock

Calling cards for internet
Hair things

Gladware

This is only a start. I think I need to go to Costco. How will I ever fit everything in my bags? I need to think, 'minimalist.'

Also, my address on the island will be

Katherine Miller

Yap SDA School

P O Box 700

Colonia, Yap FSM 96943

Advice for shipping stuff: Get a flat rate box and ship by priority mail. It'll get here faster and you can fit a lot more stuff in the box for the weight.

The next post will probably be right before I leave in July.

Missions Class Synthesis Paper

The following was my final paper for missions class. It's kind of long I know, but it basically explains my thoughts of what I learned in class and how I've grown and such this semester.

A lot has happened this semester. It seems to have started both a long time ago and also a short time ago. It baffles me how time moves faster the older you get; or is it the busier you are? I don’t know. I feel like I could give a full-fledged testimony over just this semester. I’ve learned so much, about things such as God’s will, teaching, how to relate to students, culture, being prepared, and a whole lot about myself.

My first struggle in this class was to figure out how to tell where God was leading and what I should do as a missionary. The notion that God's will is one specific thing that God want's you to do is an idea I dislike very much. It seems so juvenile and limiting to who God is. It's sort of like putting him in a box. I've come to understand that God’s will is essentially that we spread His love to the world. I do believe he can lead us though, but I don't think we can completely understand how. I can tell that God has lead me in the past when I look back on my memories, so in this next year I knew that whatever place I chose, I would be used in some way and that I would experience much growing. The big question earlier this semester still perplexed me though, since didn’t want to choose if I couldn’t see which place would give the best experience for everyone involved. Now that I’ve finally made a decision, I think God was somehow leading. Of course anywhere would be good but that almost feels irrelevant now. Where I've decided to go seems to 'fit' somehow. I chose it yes, but I sort of feel like I had help in some way. It's hard to explain because I don't want to say that God told me were to go, because he didn't, and yes anywhere would have proven to be a blessing but... like I said, I can't explain it, but it feels like I was led.

I couldn’t see myself teaching before. I started out thinking that I wanted to tutor maybe but teaching was something I didn’t give much thought. So, in order for me to see that it was actually something I would like, I speculate that God had to let me go a round-about way through many ideas all the while knowing that I would end up… teaching. It felt like what I was going through was chaos but now I somehow think it was actually Gods way of showing me somewhere and something I could do to serve him. He knew what he was doing. When I talked with Amanda about teaching she told me that even though I felt like I didn’t know much, I was still very qualified to teach. That was so encouraging. It’s interesting how we don’t realize how much we acquire from getting an education. We are still so submerged in the learning process that we don’t see how much we really know. If my past self could talk to my present self I think she would look up to the future as someone she was proud to soon become. I don’t mean to be proud or vain, but I can tell God is molding my character into a work of art. And I think the past self would approve. Both selves are still the same girl after all, which makes it really interesting. It’s beautiful really, what God does.

So, after realizing that I would be teaching after all, I began to think about my students. They will be between the ages of 14 and 19; high-school aged. I’m honestly a little intimidated but I’m not sure I’d want to teach the lower grades because of apprehensions to be able to relate to the younger students in an effective way. My students will be so close to my age, but so much happens to a person when one graduates and enters the life of young adulthood that I am also assured that I will be able to guide them rather than feel as one of them. I hope to gain their friendship as well as their respect. I missed the specific job training session on teaching so I’m still a little nervous and have a lot of questions about how to teach. I hope I will have a grade-book so I can keep track of everything. I hope to keep order in the classroom and want to be very organized. If those things don’t happen I’m not sure how I’ll keep my sanity. My greatest desire is to instill a passion for God’s creation as well as for learning into the hearts of each student. I have realized this semester how much I like science. I kind of though I liked it well enough to have a job in it, but if I had to teach anything else I don’t think I would be satisfied. Science is astounding to me. I have seen and heard God many times through this medium and I hope to show my students what he has shown me. I wonder if I’ll have any problem students. How will I help them? Will they even appreciate my work to help them succeed? Will they be stubborn? Will I be afraid of them? All these thoughts give me motivation to try my very best for them.

Being aware that I will only have a two hundred dollar stipend has caused me to wonder; how I will manage my expenses? Will I have money left over? Will I use it all, or need more? I like cooking, but will I no longer like it when I come back? How can I budget wisely but also get enough nutrition? Life skills will definitely be developed in the coming year. I actually went grocery shopping in the beginning of April with a goal to spend no more than 60 dollars on food for the month and then eat nothing but what I bought. It worked for a week, and then I got depressed because I missed the social interaction in the café so I quit. But, I baked bread, made soup, and rationed out fresh and frozen produce. It is not impossible but is a lot of work. I definitely think I may want to splurge and buy canned beans rather than cook them from scratch. Bread isn’t that much work however. I might want to make my own there, but we’ll see. One concept brought up in class was that of health. I really don’t want to get sick while I’m there. The current plan is to continue a vegan diet. I’m not sure if it will be more difficult or not. I hope to also stay physically fit. This semester I developed a love for running. I hope to continue this hobby when I’m there but am a little worried about having places to do so. All these things are so important and I’m wondering if there will be enough time in the day to stay healthy. There will have to be…

I’ve already begun shopping for next year and Sarah gave me some useful advice. She advised that I make sure that what I buy will be what I will actually want to use. I shouldn’t go out and buy clothing that isn’t my style just because it seems to be what would be something people would wear there. I need to think about ways to be myself and also get things that will fit the culture. For instance, swimwear: I need to cover my thighs but I should also find shorts that I feel good about when I wear them rather than ones that work but make me feel self-conscious. That can be hard to do sometimes. As for having enough space in my luggage for everything; well I’m not sure yet. I’m a pretty light packer but I’m sort of afraid I may go overboard. Part of me wants to buy things to give to people while there so I’ll have room in my bags for things to bring back home. I’m a little worried about having enough to pay for all that I will need too. I also have a feeling that I should stop worrying about it though because when I sent out letters, my first one back was for over half the funds I needed for the air fare. That was almost as if God was telling me, “I approve! You’re going to do great, and I’ll help you too!”

This semester has been an eye opener in the area of how I make first impressions. I kind of think God has brought this subject to my attention so I can realize how bad it is and let him change it before I need to deal with a new culture. I have concluded that I am terribly cynical, without reason. When I meet or just see a new person I often pick apart their faults in my mind when in reality I have no idea who they are or what they have gone through! It sickens me when I do this. I pray that God can change this fact so I can be open to accept the people in Yap in entirety. I don’t want there to be any barriers between me and the people. I hope to make some new friends whom I can look forward to seeing in heaven.

We learned about culture shock. I know it will happen, but the unknown parts about it are kind of unnerving. How bad will I get it? I like to think that I’m pretty resilient. I think I’ll be able to bounce back rather well. I have a feeling that I’m going to love it there eventually and will hate to leave. It will be nice to return to friends here. I also have a feeling that I will have trouble adapting to the culture here again. I already feel that I have issues with estern society. How much worse will it be when I come back after seeing how other people live? I can be rather bitter sometimes, wishing I could reject how we do things here. This experience will give me a new perspective. I hope this new look will not cause me to feel alienated for the remainder of my life. That probably won’t happen but the thought still crosses my mind as something to be aware of. Maybe it will give me a heightened ability to pick out people who are truly genuine.

So I leave in about three months and there is so much to do! I’ve started putting together a list of things I need to get before I go. I’m beginning to get nervous. I can tell that I’m starting to disconnect already. Part of it is nice because some things that I would normally worry about are just brushed off because ‘I’m not going to be here next here’ and I just relax. Part of me misses the potential experiences that I would've had though. I’m starting to organize my thoughts and make plans for my students and how I will manage my classes. I’m scared to death of the first month or two. I just want things to be normalized and such. But the adventure before that happens is pulling me away from here; I’m so excited to jump out for God. It’s kind of like bungee jumping. I did that on my eighteenth birthday and it was so much fun. The realization that you are going to have to fall through the air from an extremely high place is really alarming but knowing that it will be entirely exhilarating makes you want to take the leap. Because when you do, even though you get that feeling like your stomach leaves your body,the feeling of complete exuberance and thrill follows it. When you’re back on the ground again you realize that you made it and it was so worth it and things are normal again. I don’t know if that’s a very relevant analogy but I somehow feel like it may be like that.

This semester has proven to be one of growth for me. I’m so happy because for a while I felt like I was standing still. I knew that I had growth spurts before but was beginning to wonder if I was beginning to only grow at a snail pace. It’s so good to look back and see a change. It gives assurance that God is in control somehow. He will not leave me; I must remember that when I’m feeling alone. Everything will be alright, and God has a plan.

I'm getting excited

So, this is where I will be going... It's absolutely beautiful. It's also little. A total of 35 square miles for 10 months. I think I may get a little cabin fever once culture shock sets in but I don't think I'll want to leave during Christmas or spring break. I'm sure there's a lot to see. I hope to go scuba diving there at least once. Yap is famous for it's manta rays. I'm getting all these ideas about teaching too. On the first day I want to get a picture of each student along with their name, something they like and their favorite color. With this I want to make each of them a book mark with their name and thing and color on it. I'll also look at the pictures while making them so I can learn their names. I also want to do some labs in class. I found some great ones online that will take minimal planning. I'm a little worried about supplies though. I hope I'll be able to make a good curriculum and not test them too hard or too easy. I loved high-school science classes and I hope I can instill that love in them as well as my teacher did. I really hope they like me but also want them to respect my authority; I'm nervous about finding a balance. It's coming really fast, I only have four months to plan! When my first letter came back, Amanda in Campus Ministries told me how much it was and I was speechless. My first letter was just $500 dollars short of the total requirement for going! If that isn't a sign from God that he wants me to go there I don't know what is. I need to thank these people somehow but I don't even know where to begin since I hardly know them. I wonder if God impressed them in some way to give so much because of the financial crisis we are going through. I have no idea but thank God every time I remember it. I pray that he'll help me be a good teacher. I want to give something while I'm there. I wish to go with a serving spir