Some Thoughts on Creation

First of all I would like to talk a bit about what my Geography professor believes. He is eighty plus years old and went into his field with intentions of proving all the evolutionists and long age theorists wrong by proving that the earth is young from evidence that they were just not looking hard enough for. He did not find a plethora of young age evidence as he had anticipated. Rather he found piece after piece of information supporting the long age supposition. He was unable to do what he set out to do and so struggled a large portion of his life trying to force the two ideas that the earth was young and old into one view of reality. He finally was able to come to a conclusion that satisfied his understanding.

He will tell you of what he found by asking a question. “The Creation, how did it happen?” He will then answer his own question before you have a chance by saying, “It happened the way it happened.” And leave it like that plopped down in the lap of your mind with your jaw hanging open and a quizzical look on your face. Well… of course that’s how it happened, but really? Is that the conclusion eighty years of contemplation is able to produce? He then went on to say that, “ As a statement of faith, I can assert and believe that life is very young. This is not a scientific statement. This is completely defensible. Science works with integrated models that utilize all data.”

So, from what he was telling me, I have had a little bit of difficulty wrapping my mind in such a way to make sense of it. I thought I got it but I couldn’t quite fit it into my world view. He is able to say that he believes in a young earth and the biblical interpretation of creation literally but is also able to do science and such as if the earth was old. He can use the data and information in front of him that suggests an old earth yet continue his faith in a young earth without compromising what he observes with ideas such as, there must be something else we haven’t discovered yet, or that there are inconsistencies that must make it untrue. He has worked in the field and has seen how forests have grown on top of forest again and again in the layers of rock. Processes such as these would have taken eons for sure. How can he do it? “It happened the way it happened. Yes, the data points to one answer but it may be wrong. And in the end if God shows me that I’m wrong? Ok, then I was wrong. I’m not worried. My love for God is not different.”

What he was telling me was so alluring because I know that I cannot ignore the evidence that points to an old earth. It’s there. But at the same time it’s an agonizing realization because I cannot ignore the evidence I have experienced which exhibits that my God is love, and how could a loving God really create using evolution and death before anyone was even evolved enough with the capacity to choose and sin and change our world from that of perfection to what we have today? I can’t believe it, for it would alter everything I know about God. My best friend would be no longer be who He is. He would be merely a figment of my imagination even. I would crumple into despair upon realization of such a perception.

So, what to do? Well, just now I was reading a book and some very interesting thoughts were brought to my attention. The notion of the age of the earth and universe was evaluated in a way that is very appealing to me and seems to help me pull things together in my mind.

In a few short paragraphs that spanned just over a page I was launched into a pattern of thought that literally allowed things to click into place. The passage was a portion of an explanation by Dr. Jerry. R. Bergman, Biology Professor at Northwest State College, in Archbold, Ohio. In it he described the creation of Adam, the first man and that he would have been created fully functioning in the very instant that he was given life with blood already flowing in is veins before his heart even pumped the first time. Without this, his tissues would have begun to die or would have been damaged. In addition to this, Adam was created as an adult appearing perhaps 30 years old even though he was just a day old. If an examination were done on his body and tests were to be run, he would have been proclaimed a 30 year old man even thought he was really a mere one day old.

This thought can also be paralleled along the age of the universe. If the earth were to exist on it’s own with out the rest of the universe around it, there would be some problems from the start in how things were intended to work. Perhaps the universe and earth were in fact created old, when it was really only young? One thought I can think of to support this is soil. Soil is weathered rock. Weathering and erosion take time. But if plants were really created on the third day then there must have been soil. Soil is so called evidence for a long period of time because we have observed our own modern soil form from rock over long periods of time. But on the 3rd day it was already there fully formed and ready to grow things. God is truly in control of reality. It’s not deceptive this way but simply a requirement for the creation to look older in order to function. So perhaps the earth looks old but really is young and maybe it is appropriate to do science as if the earth were old just as it would be appropriate to treat day old Adam as if he were 30.

But then, what about the fossils in the earth? Is it possible perhaps that Satan attempted to do some creating during the flood? If the flood happened and if there is a Satan, then he would have wanted those eight people left on earth to question the creation as God had really made it. In the Bible we can find that Satan and his angels are capable of doing miracles to a degree. In the time of Moses he could somewhat replicate God’s miracles such as the stick turning into a snake. But his miracles are not quite the same because he does not have the creative power of God. Satan is the ultimate counterfeit and he is going to do everything in his power to be like God. His goal is to be God. So then, perhaps he manipulated the earth during the flood to try and make his own creation. Perhaps evolution is Satan’s version of creation It’s clear that only God can create from nothing, so what if Satan used all the animals and dead things to concoct what we see in the earth today?

I wonder if we are missing key links to many evolutionary boundaries because there simply are not links and since Satan could not create them he did the best he could. Perhaps God created so many different types of animals that Satan had quite a bit to work from to make it seem like things evolved. There are some gaps, especially when looking at homo sapiens. There is nothing to show the link between us and other monkeys or apes. The examples that they have found are only pieces of bone that could hardly be called a skeleton that have been built up with plaster according to an idea that the link may have looked like but really this is only art and not scientific data. Perhaps God limited his creativity when making animals similar to humans to set us apart. Perhaps this was to give us a reason to hold onto our faith in the biblical creation.

Of course I can never know now what really happened. I can only speculate.

….I’m content in trusting Gods’ word. My God knows what He is doing. I need not doubt Him.

Love, Kirsten book / one year ago...Yap

I just finished reading this book: (click picture for more info)

I wasn't really all that anxious to read it really. You know... i was there. I wasn't sure I wanted to relive it. I knew most of the story. But, there were some things that I did not know that were good to know.

The book brought back images so familiar yet so distant. I can see the places in my mind and can even smell the smells and I long to relive them. Even the hot sticky air has a place in my heart.

I look back on last year with memories that seem like a distant... fairytale. Did it all really happen? Was I actually living on a little island with wonderful people and students and wildlife and... everything there is to the island of Yap? Exactly one year ago I was teaching roughly 60 students. I miss them. I miss Yap. God is so good. I am so thankful for my experiences there. I'm so blessed that God chose to use me in such a place.

I look forward to meeting Kirsten again. Her life touched so many and yet her death is still touching people. I'm not really sure what else to say about this but I thought I should say something. After all it's been just about a year since she died. It's a lot to ponder.

I've learned a lot... this year has proven to be of much growth.

Pretending with the Bestest of the Best.

On the 23rd it was my turn to speak for chapel. When I began I said a prayer and then told the students to listen very carefully. I was going to ask them some questions and expect raised hands and answers. First I read Colossians 1:12-17:

12 Give joyful thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of his people in the kingdom of light. 13 For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, 14 in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.

15 The Son is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. 16 For in him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things have been created through him and for him. 17 He is before all things, and in him all things hold together.

Who created all things? Jesus created everything. He is the creator. He created even you!

Next I read Psalms 139:13-16

Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;
you formed me in my mother's womb.
I thank you, High God—you're breathtaking!
Body and soul, I am marvelously made! I worship in adoration—what a creation!
You know me inside and out,
you know every bone in my body;
You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,
how I was sculpted from nothing into something.
Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;
all the stages of my life were spread out before you,
The plans of my life all prepared
before I'd even lived one day.

How are we made? Marvelously!!

How much does Jesus know about you? Everything!!

The students where doing excellent.

I asked them to think about the other things that Jesus has made. Think about the snowflakes… they are so tiny but they are so exact and perfect in the angles of each molecule. They are exquisite. Think about flowers and trees in the summer; how all the little veins on the leaves go exactly where they should so the tree doesn’t get thirsty. Even, think about things outside of nature, like when you’re playing basketball. Think of all the elastic properties in the ball that allow it to bounce and the physics behind what lets the ball come back down from the basket. Jesus made all of this! How intricate and beautiful these things are especially when we take time to look closely. These things are incredible!!

Next I had the students do something and you can too. Raise your right hand. Turn it over so the palm is facing up towards your face. Now, bring it up close enough so you can examine the tips of your fingers. Can someone please tell me what you see on the tips of your fingers? As I had anticipated, some students took this as a chance to get silly and started getting distracted, but I quieted them down and the answer was, ‘finger prints’, little ridges. These ridges help you grip things and feel things and are completely unique to you. Your fingers are just as intricate as the flowers and snowflakes and even elastic. Your entire body is just like this, inside and out, the visible pars and the invisible parts.

So, when I say the invisible parts, what do you think I’m talking about? Your very person; the part that thinks, and has wishes and thoughts, and likes and dislikes. Jesus made that too! And you are just as intricate and delicate and complex as the things we see in nature and all around us. Jesus made you! He knows you! He knows every crawlspace and corridor of you heart. He knows you more than you can even think about, more than you yourself could even try to know.

Next, I want you to think for a moment about the friends that you have that you consider to be your best friends… What qualifies them to be your best friends? Can someone give me some reasons? They go out of their way for you, they are always there for you. They know you better than just an ordinary friend. They accept you just as you are.

So, from these reasons, what can we now qualify Jesus as? Our bestest of best friends!!! What incredible news!


Do you talk to your best friends? Of course you do. That’s what friends do. So, if Jesus is our bestest of the best of all of all our friends, then what a privilege it is to talk to Him! And we can talk to Him about everything and anything and at any time!

This brings me to Philippians 4:6:

‘Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.’

We shouldn’t hold anything back with Jesus. He knows everything anyway, so we don’t have anything to lose. He loves us no matter what, as our best friend. Nothing will surprise Him.

Now, I think I might know what some of you are thinking, because I’ve felt it too. It can be hard to talk to Jesus, especially if it means saying more than, ‘Dear Lord, thank you for today, thank you for my food, please be with my family and friends, help me with my homework, please forgive my sins, Amen.’ Now, don’t get me wrong, this is not inherently a bad prayer, but our prayers should also go much deeper.

When you’re in a new place and you’re meeting people for the first time, what does it feel like? What are some examples? Awkward, uncomfortable, unfamiliar… Knowing that Jesus knows us super well might not make it easy at first to talk to Him. It might feel awkward, or uncomfortable, and unfamiliar. But I want you to try something the next time you talk to Jesus. Try it tonight, or tomorrow morning. Even if you feel like a complete idiot for talking to what might feel like empty space in your brain or the walls in your room. Sometimes praying out loud helps, personally I prefer this way... I want you to pretend. Pretend that you are already friends, pretend that you have known each other for years. Pretend that you go way back. Ignore the feelings of awkwardness. Even if it doesn’t feel right, just keep on pretending.

This is essentially what you do when you’re meeting new people as well. You pretend that you know each other already and then eventually, after a while you’re not pretending anymore. Now, you do know them, and now you’re being real with them. This also can happen with Jesus. Jesus already knows you. But if you keep talking to him, even if it feels artificial, it will start to become real because YOU will start to get to know HIM. You might think that is a little different because you’re the only one talking but, Jesus can talk to us. He talks to us through other people sometimes and by guiding our thoughts sometimes and also when we read His Bible. Those are a few of the many ways He talks to us. And the more you talk to Him the more comfortable you will be and eventually you will KNOW He is your friend instead of just UNDERSTANDING it. And He will mean all the world to you!

I’m telling you this because I’ve done this, and Jesus is now my everything!!

He’s my reason for getting up in the morning and living each day. He is the reason I keep going when things are extremely hard. He is the reason I have hope when I’m weighed down with sadness and even depression. Jesus is who gives my heart wings when I’m happy! His love for me is what fuels the very essence of my being…

I want each and every one of you to have that very same thing.

And so, as I close, I want to encourage you to talk to Jesus. Just try it. Please, just try it for a couple days, a couple of weeks. It can be about anything, like, ‘Jesus, so I was at the store today and I saw this guy with this crazy hair style!’ or, 'Jesus, I had a hard time sleeping last night and I really don’t want to go to school today.’ Or, ‘Lord, how does the guy with the snowplow get to work in the morning?’ or, ‘Why is it called a building when it’s already built?’ or more seriously, ‘How can I get along with so and so?’ or, ‘What should I do with my life?’

I encourage you to ask Him questions, you’d be surprised at how He answers sometimes. Often times I’ve asked Him a question and I’ve even forgotten about asking it but then sometime later I believe He’s used things and experiences in my life that’s helped me find the answer. I’m still waiting for some answers, and I’m content I’ll find them at the right time.

If you do this, you can and will get to know Jesus, even if at first you’re only pretending to know Him.

So, I feel like complaining

In this position there is not something that is actively expected that I do. Yes, I'm supposed to check on dorm workers and help the girls with homework and and talk with them but the rest of the time I'm only 'here' just in case. Is it normal to prefer being overworked? I like having something specific that I'm supposed to do like, 'teach these classes everyday' rather than, 'sit at a desk in case you're needed'. This job is too slow. I don't think I like deaning, but I'll still try to do my best until I move on. The interesting thing though is that the head dean is busy as a bee; but maybe that's just her personality. I like being busy. I like having a task to do.

I'm taking this time to get in shape and exercise more, and I'm doing more reading, but I miss having deadlines. There was a suggestion that I do something in the community with my extra time. Maybe I should talk to some people about what I can do there. I do think that is a good idea and I think I will look into it but the thing is though, if I'm gone doing things for the community every time I'm not on duty, which is quite often, I'm not available for the girls. It's a 'catch 22'.


If I'm busy, I don't have as much time to think. So, maybe I'm only wanting to distract myself from something. Maybe I'm supposed to feel bored and lonely so I can connect with God again, something that I've had trouble with over the last several months. I'm not doubting that God is in my life and knows what He's doing, I'm just having a hard time connecting.

So, now that I've just whined a bunch about how much I don't really like it here at the moment (I say moment, because it could change any minute as my mind does that quite often. My emotions are quite fickle.) I think perhaps I should think about what I'm thankful for. I will shoot for 10.

1. I'm thankful for what Kirsten said the last night I prayed with her: the ability to move. I've taken up exercising regularly again and it makes me feel like I have wings.

2. I'm thankful that I don't have to worry about cooking food and that the cook at WA does in fact cook very healthfully. I love vegetables.

3. I'm thankful for the fact that I've come so far in my insecurities. Being in a high-school girls dorm reminds me of how I used to think and feel about myself sometimes and I'm so happy God has helped me grow out of many things.

4. I'm thankful that some of the girls feel that they can be open with me so that I can do my best to help them.

5. I'm thankful for certain friends who are willing and wanting to stay in contact with me while I'm gone. It means the world to me to feel cared about when I'm gone.

6. I'm thankful to have the assurance that God is still with me, holding me, even when I'm the one having trouble connecting, not Him.

7. I'm thankful for knee high socks and soft scarves to wrap around my face and neck.

8. I'm thankful for a family who is willing to listen to me talk about my convictions concerning God and that we are in fact free to talk about them.

9. I'm thankful for the ability to feel at all.

10. I'm thankful for the strength to embrace change whether I want it to happen or not.

11. I'm thankful for color, and for smiles, and for tears, and for flowers, and ribbons, and cats, and for paper, and for fabric, and for the way snow looks in the trees, and for crisp air, and for honey, and for the ability to be ridiculous, and for water, and for toothpaste, and for flannel sheets, and for sunshine, and scrambled tofu, and avocados, and the ukulele, and for singing, and sunsets, and for school, and for books, and for prayer.




Thank you for your prayers.

God can use you to make a difference

During church the sermon was about how we can make a difference to someone without even knowing it. The elder up front shared a story about when he visited a woman in a nursing home several times as a chaplain. She grew sicker and sicker but she would always request that he sing 'amazing grace' to her. That was her song. The short story is that she passed away and her sisters were talking to this elder and thanking him for everything he had done. The one sister recognized the elder even before meeting him. When he asked how, she said that her sister had told them everything about him, even that he wore silver tipped boots that he was wearing that day as well. They said that he had brought their sister back to Jesus, when they and no one also could. She didn't want anything to do with Him, but this elder made a difference and he couldn't believe it.

I know this happened for me in Yap. The biggest example of this occurred to me when I was leaving. Jeanna was so sad I was leaving, she was even a little angry. But then later she told me how much I had meant to her in those few months. See, she was an eighth grader and I didn't even teach her. I had just met her only a week or so ago. But she somehow thought the world of me. I didn't understand why. I think I passed her and a group of girls most days in the morning and I usually tried to be friendly but to her it meant everything. When I left she gave me a stuffed tiger, a devotional book and a note; it read:

Dear Ms. Miller
This is all I have to give you. I hope you like it. And remember what I said? That you made me a more self confident girl? Well your smile did. At first I don't really smile a lot, but when everytime I see you, you always have that smile on your face and I said, 'I want to be like her, like Ms. Miller.' For the last couple of months you somehow changed a part of me by giving me the warmest smile everyday. Thank you. I'll always remember you. And I understand the part that you're leaving. May God bless you always and your family. Hope you'll remember me too. I Love You!! Jeanna P.S. Put a smile on your face, cause you'll never know that you'll change someone's life or brighten up someone's day. Like Ms. Miller did to me...

I had no idea that I was doing this for her. I didn't even know I smiled everyday to her. I know I had many a tired and crabby mornings but apparently it did not show for her. God can use us in ways we never can imagine. We just have to be open to Him and be willing. I think one of the things I can do in the states now at WA is to just be a role model. The girls are going to be watching me because I've made it through what they're going through and I've succeeded. They will see what I've become and perhaps base their own lives on it. I'm different than the other faculty because I'm very close to age in them. I'm still a kid too in many ways and I can reach them in a way that no one can. Even if I'm not aware of it, it can happen. I can be a tool for God to use in their lives.

And even if I feel that I'm not doing much at times, I know that the fact that I can give the head dean a break is a huge thing for her too. She's been worked to death this last semester, and she does not complain. She needed a break and I can give it to her. I thank God that I can help and be of service at least in that way.

I don't really talk about Yap much anymore, but sometimes people still bring it up and it's different. It surprises me because I'm kind of like 'well, I talked about it enough, so why is it being drug up again?' I was comfortable talking about it before pretty well when it was fresh but now I really don't like it. It's interesting how I'm still dealing with it. It's like my brain sealed it all up when I got back and is now slowly releasing it in safe doses so it can be dealt with in a more healthy way than all at once. At each time I deal with another dose, I learn something new. Something is added to my character and I grow yet again in a little way.

If anything, be thankful that you are able to grow in hard times. Don't let them suffocate you but rather realize that you can take those experiences and let God change you through them to be better, to be stronger, to be an example of God's love and power.

Tempered for the Test

I gave a talk for chapel on Monday about glass. I heard a sermon on it recently and it was very profound to me. Normal glass breaks quite easily without much pressure applied to it. When it breaks it shatters into a bunch of large dangerous shards which could cause severe injury and deep lacerations.

Another type of glass is called ‘tempered’ glass which as been put under repeated heatings and coolings. The stress that is applied to the glass in this way causes the network of molecules to interlock in a more complicated way. The glass is therefore made stronger by the process. When a large pressure is applied, the tempered glass does not break. When an even larger pressure is applied it might break and when an even larger pressure is applied it does indeed break but does so in a different way than before. No more large shards, but instead small pieces that have a tendency to hold together so that the majority of the object only cracks.

How can this be applied to our lives? Well, we are like glass. When we come across trials in our lives we may tend to fall apart like the normal glass. If we trust in God that it’s ok to go through them and that they might be allowed for a purpose, then we can grow. Without that growth we tend to fall apart rather quickly. People may try to help us pick up the pieces and quite often we injure them in the process with all our sharp edges. They were only trying to make things better but instead were brought into the mess and were perhaps wounded by us.

When we accept that trials are ok and allow God to use them to help us to grow, we become much stronger and can withstand more. We become tempered just like the glass. Trials that would have broken us before do nothing to us now. We do not fall apart.

1 Corinthians 10:13 tells us, “No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.”

This verse is very encouraging because we can know that when tempted we will always have a way out and have the choice to take that way. Many people confuse this verse to be saying that we will never be given trials that we will not be able to bear. This is not what it is saying.

2 Corinthians 4:8 tells us, “We are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed. Always carrying about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body.”

So the first verse talking about temptations is not implying that God won’t let you be stressed beyond what you can bear, or challenged beyond your ability, or pushed beyond your threshold. In reality, God allows more than you can bear all the time; perhaps on purpose. It’s only when you can’t bear the load that the strength of Christ kicks in… you realize that He is everything you need and more.

When some tremendous trial comes along that is more difficult than all the others we may in fact fall apart. But if we have been tempered we will have the strength of Christ. Instead of breaking into dangerous shards we only crack into many smaller, less dangerous pieces. Now when others attempt to help us we do not cause them harm.

Also, after all the damage has been done and we have all those cracks we are perhaps much better at letting the Holy Spirit shine through us in a way that may be seen by others. Trials are ok. Through depending on Christ they can make us stronger, well rounded, Christ-like individuals, capable of showing others the love of God.

“Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day.” 2 Corinthians 4:16

Unchanging Solace

Sabbath school was really good yesterday. We studied the first book of Hebrews which was a book written to the Jews explaining that Jesus was more that just a good man. Jesus was equal with God and also higher than the angels. I particularly liked Hebrews 1:10-12. It says


“You, Lord, in the beginning laid the foundation of the earth,
And the heavens are the work of you hands.
They will perish, but you remain;
And they will all grow old like a garment;
Like a cloak You will fold them up,
And they will be changed.
But You are the same,
And Your years will not fail.”


So it’s saying that God created the earth and He will fold it up and put it away when it gets old. God is in complete control of everything, even the whole earth even though it seems so un-moveable. The earth will wear out like a piece of clothing wears out. And then it goes on to say that God will never change. He will never fail. His promises will always stand true for us. My bible cross references James 1:17 and says,


“Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, which whom there is no variation or shadow of turning.”


Again is reiterates that God and his promises will never vary. This was especially meaningful to me because throughout all the changes in life it can get tiring and difficult to keep going. Things never stay the same, whether they are good or bad. But God never changes and he is always there for us to go to and find rest. He is always the same perfect God and He always is ready to give us the same unending love.

Following the invisible Leader

I was looking for something to read for staff worship this morning and was looking under the index in the back for the word 'teacher'. I found a passage in Deuteronomy 1:6-18. The really good part was the commentary by Ellen White in the bottom margin of my bible for this text. It says:


'The Lord God of heaven is our Leader. He is a leader whom we can safely follow; for He never makes a mistake. Let us honor God and His Son Jesus Christ, through whom He communicates with the world. It was Christ who gave to Moses the instruction that He gave to the children of Israel. It was Christ who delivered the Israelites from Egyptian bondage. Moses and Aaron were the visible leaders of the people. To Moses instruction was given by their invisible Leader, to be repeated to them. Had Israel obeyed the directions given them by Moses, not one of those who started on the journey from Egypt would in the wilderness have fallen a prey to disease or death. They were under a safe Guide. Christ had pledged Himself to lead them safely to the promised land if they would follow His guidance. This vast multitude, numbering more than a million people, was under His direct rule. They were His family. In every one of them He was interested.'


I have 65 under my guidance. Surely the Invisible leader can help me with that many if He helped Moses with more than a million. Look to the Invisible leader to be your guide so that you may be the visible leader for those in your path.


This was helpful to me.

Reassured

So I've been increasingly becoming more nervous about teaching in Yap. The intimidations of controlling a classroom of students that very likely don't care about learning have caused me to be kind of scared. But then while on the plane I was thinking and came to the realization that this whole time I've been getting more nervous, I've actually been thinking in the wrong way. I've been thinking about myself and my decision to come and had forgotten about God's decision to send me. God has things that only I can do for him in Yap. I believe that there are specific people that God may be trying to reach by my being here. I think that God has specific people for everyone to reach. For what other reason are we here then, but to somehow reach out to someone who needs to see the love of God? Why am I worrying? Yes it's going to be hard at times and the things I'll have to face and overcome will be difficult but I have nothing to worry about inthe end. For God will not give us anything that we are not strong enough to withstand, especiallyl with His aid. I've known this all along but why do I forget so easily? I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Philippians 4:13). Realizing this once again has caused me to be a bit more at ease. If God has the confidecne to use me then I really don't need to be scared about this at all.

Missions Class Synthesis Paper

The following was my final paper for missions class. It's kind of long I know, but it basically explains my thoughts of what I learned in class and how I've grown and such this semester.

A lot has happened this semester. It seems to have started both a long time ago and also a short time ago. It baffles me how time moves faster the older you get; or is it the busier you are? I don’t know. I feel like I could give a full-fledged testimony over just this semester. I’ve learned so much, about things such as God’s will, teaching, how to relate to students, culture, being prepared, and a whole lot about myself.

My first struggle in this class was to figure out how to tell where God was leading and what I should do as a missionary. The notion that God's will is one specific thing that God want's you to do is an idea I dislike very much. It seems so juvenile and limiting to who God is. It's sort of like putting him in a box. I've come to understand that God’s will is essentially that we spread His love to the world. I do believe he can lead us though, but I don't think we can completely understand how. I can tell that God has lead me in the past when I look back on my memories, so in this next year I knew that whatever place I chose, I would be used in some way and that I would experience much growing. The big question earlier this semester still perplexed me though, since didn’t want to choose if I couldn’t see which place would give the best experience for everyone involved. Now that I’ve finally made a decision, I think God was somehow leading. Of course anywhere would be good but that almost feels irrelevant now. Where I've decided to go seems to 'fit' somehow. I chose it yes, but I sort of feel like I had help in some way. It's hard to explain because I don't want to say that God told me were to go, because he didn't, and yes anywhere would have proven to be a blessing but... like I said, I can't explain it, but it feels like I was led.

I couldn’t see myself teaching before. I started out thinking that I wanted to tutor maybe but teaching was something I didn’t give much thought. So, in order for me to see that it was actually something I would like, I speculate that God had to let me go a round-about way through many ideas all the while knowing that I would end up… teaching. It felt like what I was going through was chaos but now I somehow think it was actually Gods way of showing me somewhere and something I could do to serve him. He knew what he was doing. When I talked with Amanda about teaching she told me that even though I felt like I didn’t know much, I was still very qualified to teach. That was so encouraging. It’s interesting how we don’t realize how much we acquire from getting an education. We are still so submerged in the learning process that we don’t see how much we really know. If my past self could talk to my present self I think she would look up to the future as someone she was proud to soon become. I don’t mean to be proud or vain, but I can tell God is molding my character into a work of art. And I think the past self would approve. Both selves are still the same girl after all, which makes it really interesting. It’s beautiful really, what God does.

So, after realizing that I would be teaching after all, I began to think about my students. They will be between the ages of 14 and 19; high-school aged. I’m honestly a little intimidated but I’m not sure I’d want to teach the lower grades because of apprehensions to be able to relate to the younger students in an effective way. My students will be so close to my age, but so much happens to a person when one graduates and enters the life of young adulthood that I am also assured that I will be able to guide them rather than feel as one of them. I hope to gain their friendship as well as their respect. I missed the specific job training session on teaching so I’m still a little nervous and have a lot of questions about how to teach. I hope I will have a grade-book so I can keep track of everything. I hope to keep order in the classroom and want to be very organized. If those things don’t happen I’m not sure how I’ll keep my sanity. My greatest desire is to instill a passion for God’s creation as well as for learning into the hearts of each student. I have realized this semester how much I like science. I kind of though I liked it well enough to have a job in it, but if I had to teach anything else I don’t think I would be satisfied. Science is astounding to me. I have seen and heard God many times through this medium and I hope to show my students what he has shown me. I wonder if I’ll have any problem students. How will I help them? Will they even appreciate my work to help them succeed? Will they be stubborn? Will I be afraid of them? All these thoughts give me motivation to try my very best for them.

Being aware that I will only have a two hundred dollar stipend has caused me to wonder; how I will manage my expenses? Will I have money left over? Will I use it all, or need more? I like cooking, but will I no longer like it when I come back? How can I budget wisely but also get enough nutrition? Life skills will definitely be developed in the coming year. I actually went grocery shopping in the beginning of April with a goal to spend no more than 60 dollars on food for the month and then eat nothing but what I bought. It worked for a week, and then I got depressed because I missed the social interaction in the café so I quit. But, I baked bread, made soup, and rationed out fresh and frozen produce. It is not impossible but is a lot of work. I definitely think I may want to splurge and buy canned beans rather than cook them from scratch. Bread isn’t that much work however. I might want to make my own there, but we’ll see. One concept brought up in class was that of health. I really don’t want to get sick while I’m there. The current plan is to continue a vegan diet. I’m not sure if it will be more difficult or not. I hope to also stay physically fit. This semester I developed a love for running. I hope to continue this hobby when I’m there but am a little worried about having places to do so. All these things are so important and I’m wondering if there will be enough time in the day to stay healthy. There will have to be…

I’ve already begun shopping for next year and Sarah gave me some useful advice. She advised that I make sure that what I buy will be what I will actually want to use. I shouldn’t go out and buy clothing that isn’t my style just because it seems to be what would be something people would wear there. I need to think about ways to be myself and also get things that will fit the culture. For instance, swimwear: I need to cover my thighs but I should also find shorts that I feel good about when I wear them rather than ones that work but make me feel self-conscious. That can be hard to do sometimes. As for having enough space in my luggage for everything; well I’m not sure yet. I’m a pretty light packer but I’m sort of afraid I may go overboard. Part of me wants to buy things to give to people while there so I’ll have room in my bags for things to bring back home. I’m a little worried about having enough to pay for all that I will need too. I also have a feeling that I should stop worrying about it though because when I sent out letters, my first one back was for over half the funds I needed for the air fare. That was almost as if God was telling me, “I approve! You’re going to do great, and I’ll help you too!”

This semester has been an eye opener in the area of how I make first impressions. I kind of think God has brought this subject to my attention so I can realize how bad it is and let him change it before I need to deal with a new culture. I have concluded that I am terribly cynical, without reason. When I meet or just see a new person I often pick apart their faults in my mind when in reality I have no idea who they are or what they have gone through! It sickens me when I do this. I pray that God can change this fact so I can be open to accept the people in Yap in entirety. I don’t want there to be any barriers between me and the people. I hope to make some new friends whom I can look forward to seeing in heaven.

We learned about culture shock. I know it will happen, but the unknown parts about it are kind of unnerving. How bad will I get it? I like to think that I’m pretty resilient. I think I’ll be able to bounce back rather well. I have a feeling that I’m going to love it there eventually and will hate to leave. It will be nice to return to friends here. I also have a feeling that I will have trouble adapting to the culture here again. I already feel that I have issues with estern society. How much worse will it be when I come back after seeing how other people live? I can be rather bitter sometimes, wishing I could reject how we do things here. This experience will give me a new perspective. I hope this new look will not cause me to feel alienated for the remainder of my life. That probably won’t happen but the thought still crosses my mind as something to be aware of. Maybe it will give me a heightened ability to pick out people who are truly genuine.

So I leave in about three months and there is so much to do! I’ve started putting together a list of things I need to get before I go. I’m beginning to get nervous. I can tell that I’m starting to disconnect already. Part of it is nice because some things that I would normally worry about are just brushed off because ‘I’m not going to be here next here’ and I just relax. Part of me misses the potential experiences that I would've had though. I’m starting to organize my thoughts and make plans for my students and how I will manage my classes. I’m scared to death of the first month or two. I just want things to be normalized and such. But the adventure before that happens is pulling me away from here; I’m so excited to jump out for God. It’s kind of like bungee jumping. I did that on my eighteenth birthday and it was so much fun. The realization that you are going to have to fall through the air from an extremely high place is really alarming but knowing that it will be entirely exhilarating makes you want to take the leap. Because when you do, even though you get that feeling like your stomach leaves your body,the feeling of complete exuberance and thrill follows it. When you’re back on the ground again you realize that you made it and it was so worth it and things are normal again. I don’t know if that’s a very relevant analogy but I somehow feel like it may be like that.

This semester has proven to be one of growth for me. I’m so happy because for a while I felt like I was standing still. I knew that I had growth spurts before but was beginning to wonder if I was beginning to only grow at a snail pace. It’s so good to look back and see a change. It gives assurance that God is in control somehow. He will not leave me; I must remember that when I’m feeling alone. Everything will be alright, and God has a plan.

I'm getting excited

So, this is where I will be going... It's absolutely beautiful. It's also little. A total of 35 square miles for 10 months. I think I may get a little cabin fever once culture shock sets in but I don't think I'll want to leave during Christmas or spring break. I'm sure there's a lot to see. I hope to go scuba diving there at least once. Yap is famous for it's manta rays. I'm getting all these ideas about teaching too. On the first day I want to get a picture of each student along with their name, something they like and their favorite color. With this I want to make each of them a book mark with their name and thing and color on it. I'll also look at the pictures while making them so I can learn their names. I also want to do some labs in class. I found some great ones online that will take minimal planning. I'm a little worried about supplies though. I hope I'll be able to make a good curriculum and not test them too hard or too easy. I loved high-school science classes and I hope I can instill that love in them as well as my teacher did. I really hope they like me but also want them to respect my authority; I'm nervous about finding a balance. It's coming really fast, I only have four months to plan! When my first letter came back, Amanda in Campus Ministries told me how much it was and I was speechless. My first letter was just $500 dollars short of the total requirement for going! If that isn't a sign from God that he wants me to go there I don't know what is. I need to thank these people somehow but I don't even know where to begin since I hardly know them. I wonder if God impressed them in some way to give so much because of the financial crisis we are going through. I have no idea but thank God every time I remember it. I pray that he'll help me be a good teacher. I want to give something while I'm there. I wish to go with a serving spir

New love

Ever since I can remember, exercise was never something I really looked forward to except for the 2 year period when I did gymnastics. Even 10 months ago, running was laborious and I had to talk myself into thinking it was a good idea. Recently though, like in the last semester I've slowly began to have this love for running. It's really interesting. I think it's perhaps that I was in better shape when I began so it wasn't so hard to improve. Once I started improving it was really cool! I went from being able to run 3 minutes, then 6 then 11 then 15 then 20 over the past month and a half when I could fit it into my schedule and today I ran my first 5K! I'm really excited about it because it was 30 minutes of running with no stops. I actually want to go running every day and look forward to it even though I'm still tired from the day before. I think the fact that it's warming up outside really helps. Inside running is harder because it's easy to get bored with it.

Even though things have been really hectic this semester with classes and such, I feel as though my life is really coming together. I thank God for this and I can almost feel his hand arranging my priorities even in this previous one with exercise. I feel like it was almost an effortless transition into a great habit. Going vegan was the same way. It's been about 3 months now and I really don't ever want to go back.

Anyways, I found this website where you can map out where you want to run and it calculates the distance for you. Someone had already mapped out a 5K around here and I used it and it was amazing!



I'm hoping to do this longer run more often and would even like to work up to doing something really hard someday like a half marathon. Running a marathon seems a little over ambitious as it would mean nonstop running for over 4 hours at a pace of 6 mph for a total of 26 miles. We'll see what happens. I really hope this new love does not die anytime soon.